Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Signs from Heaven

***This poem is still fresh and hot from my heart...
I've just written this poem seconds ago (It is now 3:28 in the morning of January 28, 2009).
So, read it while it's hot!!!

The other day (Jan 26)
I asked God for a sign
An omen…
A reminder…
A wake-up call from heaven.

I asked Him
For something
That could serve as my light
So I could see things in its real form
And not just enclose my eyes into the image
That I am projecting into it.

For the past 10 days
I was living in full blast
I had the love of my life
The missing part of the broken puzzle of my heart
And my knight in shining armor
To sound more rhetorical about it.

I thought that that will be it
The moment that I’ve been waiting for
And the person that I’ve been dreaming of since then
All into one perfect package.

I thought that finally
I will be celebrating Valentine’s Day
For the first time in my life
With the person that I love
And who loves me, too in return.

I thought that on Feb. 14
Words will come out naturally in my mouth
Without a touch of hypocrisy
Without a tint of bitterness in my heart
As I say to anyone, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
(Well, we’ll see on that day.
Who knows what might happen tomorrow
Or the day before Feb. 14?)

As I planned to ask God for a sign
Fear rumbled into the...

...surface of my heart
Hesitancy came flooding into my brain
Weakness dwelt in my spirit
Though it was just so small
My desire to live in the real world
No matter how painful it will be
Caused me to go on
And so I asked God
For a sign.
A specific sign that was.

I was hurting already by that time
Just to think of the great possibility
That the sign will turn out towards something
That I don’t want to see
And that I don’t want to accept
No matter how obvious it will be
No matter how loud will the voices
Telling me to get out of the pit
And save myself from further pains.

The time of judgment came
Just this 12 in the evening
It was the deadline that I asked God
The end time for Him of showing me the sign
That I asked for the other day.

As the time came closer to its end
Hope still lived within me
And as I sensed that signs aren’t turning
Out the way that I want to
I begun to asphyxiate
And to feel more pain
At the middle of my chest.

Finally, the time arrived.
I had the sign.
And it was in full force
Of being so obvious.

Sad to say…
I can’t even say the words now
I can’t even face reality this time
How I wish I could just forget
Everything about him
Because now, I am in great pain
While thinking of what I had with him
Within those ten days.

It was just a short time for both of us
But those moments of my life
Are undeniably the best, yet
But now, those times
Are nothing but memories that kills me in pain.
Love had a decoy once again.
And now I’m paying the price
Of not being vigilant about it.

I am in great ache this time
My tears are running
Involuntarily on my face
My eyes are welling up
I want to shout out loud
I want to release the pain within me
I was almost at the point of bliss
Then, God took it away from me.

Oh how I want to hate God
But I can’t
I know He knows best
And I know I am just saying this
Because I am being misled
By the outstanding rating scale of my pain.

My eyes are now swollen
Masked with tears
Reddened with the overflowing love
Within my heart.

If you can just see me now
Then, you’ll understand
How broke I am.

I hate this feeling
I’ve just been through this
And now, I am struggling to move on once again
I guess that’s just it
It’ll always be a cycle.
How I wish,
There will come a time
That the cycle will stop
At the happiest time of my life
Like what I had just lost.

I miss him
The times that we’ve been together
Comprise all the happiest memories
I had ever had in my life.

It was simply the best feeling.
Sad to say that it lasted only for ten days.®

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