Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Art of Moving On

***I did not expect that I could make a 4th poem out of the same person..and on the 4th day straight...This is the first time ever.

**What happened? When I opened my G4M account and checked on his profile..I saw that the "I AM TAKEN" words at the top of his page are already gone. So that was it...My wake-up call. I cried the moment I saw that, and so this poem came into existence.

*I wrote this poem just this 7 in the evening of January 31, 2009...Before the Love Month...At least, I am positive that my February and so on will be better.

Here is my 4th Poem for him:

Reality struck my mind
Pierced my heart and
Left it bleeding relentlessly
Until at last all the love blood
Flowing through my veins
Have come out of me
And evaporated with the air
Where it should belong…
Where it should have settled in
A long, long time ago…
Just gone and hopefully forgotten.

For the past few days
All I did was cry
Hope, reminisce and cry again.
My eyes grew baggy and stressed
Yet my tears never gave up to flow.

Then, just before January ends
The biggest sign that I’ve been waiting for
Came in before my very eyes
What more can I ask now
For me to accept the fact that it’s all over
When will I ever move on?

To anybody who has been in love
You can empathize with me
If I had become so stupid lately
If I allowed myself to be treated like a doormat
And if I’ve been such a fool
As to consciously keeping my self blind
For the things which are blatantly
Showing on my face.

This time the universe had spoken
And it’s just me who hasn’t given my consent
My approval to disengage myself from the bondage
That has been enclosing me in sorrow
That has been confining me in strict isolation
And just leaving me in the dark companionship
Of the nightmares of his memories.

My stars are now in line with the universe
The moon which has been staying with me for sometime
Had finally gone tired of stalking me
Now, the sun is starting to traverse the horizon
Going towards the peak of my gloomy sky
Then, hopefully illuminating it with its beams
And totally transforming my dismal atmosphere
Into an ambiance fit for a new start…
Of a new beginning.

Hopefully, this is it
Hopefully, I am at the point of no return
A new day has come already.
Yet, the threat of turning back
Is something which I can’t underestimate
I may be on the track of reviving myself
Of starting anew
But, the reality of a love which has left a deep mark
On my heart and soul
Remains dormant within me
A little stimulus might come along the way
And if I am not strong enough to fight against it
Then, I’ll fall over and...

...over again to the same trap.

I can not take a single step forward towards a new ground
If the other part of me is still holding on from its comfort zone
From such position which has been a part of me for some time
Yet sad to say can just stagnate me from rising
And will just keep me hiding from the shadows of someone
Who doesn’t even care a bit about the boundless love that I can give.

I might have been stranded to the thought
That being with him and having him in my life
Is just the best feeling in the world
But, now I must shift my thinking
Towards the trusted classic reality
That the best feeling in the world
Is realizing that you are happy
Without the person
You thought you needed the most.

I had more than enough share of rejection from him
I had enough signs from the heavens
I had felt the strong blows of reality on my face
I had been there; I had done that
I had prayed so hard and hoped unceasingly
I had asked him for a bargain
I had offered him to change myself for him
And I had begged him on bended knees
Just to come back and be with me again.
I feel that I am so worthless now
That my dignity has been eaten out by stray dogs
And my pride had been so depressed
That I have nothing left even for self-respect.

So now, so long for the old days
I had done my part in this game of love
It’s high time to just sit and relax again
And just be open with what might come along
I had shed off enough tears already
For now, I have to regain what I’ve lost
And bring back what has been altered
On my momentary fall at the chasm
Of his muddy affection.

I’ve learned a vital lesson
In my sojourn towards his heart
That in this battle,
If the other person left you already
Just don’t expect that he’ll come back
And die with you
For at that point of time
He has found another battle to begin
Which sad to say, doesn’t include you anymore.

So, just get up and save yourself
And please, just mind your own business
I won’t tell that it’s his loss, not yours
Because that’s an unsolicited remark already
It’s an autopilot thought of anyone being rejected.

Instead, I want to believe
That this makes more sense
In this ever complicated world of love and dating
The golden rule never fails in the quest of moving on
That when it's over; Then, it's over.
It might be easier said than done.
But, it's simply the way to go.
When the love has grown cold
You can't do anything to make it warm again
Some things are best left the way it turned out to.
So spare yourself a piece of self-respect
Let bygones, be bygones...
Move on
Let it go
And please....
Just don't push it.

Friday, January 30, 2009

P.S. Love Me Again

***Once again, this poem is kind of a sequel of my two previous poems just posted two days ago...This is the third part...It's sort of a trilogy...LOL...but i didn't mean it...MAybe, since last Jan. 28, I was really depressed (and until now) that's why I was able to make these said poems...hahaiz...

**Just like Signs from Heaven and Confessions of a LOVE ADDICT, I wrote this poem early in the morning. I started to write this at around 4:00 am of January 30, 2009.

If only I knew what he wants in a partner,
Then, I would had changed for him
To fit his desires; to meet his standards
I am willing to change my identity for him
I am willing to forget what I am now
I am willing to change my looks,
To trim down my weight
To shed off excess fats
And possess those six hard packs on my abs

I will talk more and laugh more
I will lower down my voice
If that’s what he wants
I will be stiffer
I will be tougher for him
I won’t be strict
I won’t text him every now and then
I won’t demand so much
And I won’t be so dramatic.

I will learn how to sing like a pro
I will study music
Though I love literature, foods and fashion more
I will enjoy watching choir competitions
Though I find it more enjoying
To watch dance show downs and the like.
And since he's into finance,
I will love numbers and problem solving
No matter how much I hate it since grade school.

I will not intrude so much in his life
I will not be a nuisance during his practice
I will not choke him with my claims
I will not comment so much in friendster
And I will not ask him to delete his g4m account
Nor change his YM ID.

I will love black
No matter how much I love purple
I will love the EMO style
Even if I am more classy and casual in fashion
I will use black Gatsby wax
Instead of the purple...

...Master wax.

I will live each day the way he wants me to be
No matter how contradictory it will be
On how I would want to live my life
And on what my heart truly desires.

But, how will I know the things that he wants?
How will I change myself to please him?
He didn’t even leave a single word for me
Before he left and kept me wondering
Is this part of his big plan to surprise me this V-Day?
Or am I just so assuming
That I will just be disappointed again?
Nonetheless, I want him to know
That I’m still waiting for his return
That I’m still hoping that we can bring back what we’ve had
And enjoy each other’s company once again.

I hope and pray
That he’ll gain the courage to say
Whatever it is that bothers him this time
Whatever it is that holds him from coming back to me
And whatever it is that keeps him distant from my loving embrace.
No matter how painful it will be
It won’t be a factor for me already
I have endured so much pain through his silence
It made my tolerance for it higher than ever.

Once again I am begging for his words
That I may know what should I do
Or at least he can just spare me a piece of his time
And just simply tell me what went wrong,
That I may correct it
I can not change a thing from me
If on the first place
I do not know what it is
That he wants me to change.

I am asking him
To please never underestimate
The things that I can do
To prove how worthy I am of his love
And to prove how much I love him.

I want him to know that…
I’ll say goodbye to my old self
To have a new identity with him.
If that’s what it takes for him to come back
For him to kiss me, hug me, comfort me
And love me again.®

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Confessions of a LOVE ADDICT

***I wrote this poem just today, January 29, 2009. I started to write this at around 3:45 in the morning but I had fallen asleep. So, I continued writing it when I woke up at around 2:30 in the afternoon...hehehe...

**This is somewhat a sequel of my poem, "SIGNS from HEAVEN."

A new day has not come, yet
My pains still run at my system
My eyes which are normally vibrant
Full of life and spark
Seem to just drown
From bitter tears of a broken dream
Of a broken tomorrow
With the man that I love.

How I don’t want
To continue on writing my heart out
The pain is just so unbearable
The longer I expose myself from it,
The more I feel its presence killing me.
But, I just can’t help
And write what I want him to know
What I want the world to remember
That for some time,
I’ve found the man of my dreams
Experienced being with him
Had a taste of his kiss, his tongue…
His everything…
Then, wham!
Suddenly, he was gone.

I am still in shock this time
I am still skeptical about what happened
How could he leave me this soon?
How unconscionable he is by that
I want to curse him
That he may feel what he did to me
But, since I’m still under his spell
I just can’t do such thing
As the cliché goes,
I would be much willing
To endure his pain
Just so he can’t feel the agony of it.

I love him
But what can I do
He’s not just into me already
I just seem to be
Invisible from his sight
To be so insignificant
To be simply nonexistent
I somehow wish
Even just to be one of his possessions
So he can always notice me
Even without any effort at all.

Just yesterday
I’ve been to the place
Where we’ve met
And no matter how I try
To expose myself from the stimuli of my pain
No matter how I try to be used to it
I can say my pains are still fresh this time
That exposing myself to something…
To some place, sound, act or anything
That reminds me of him
The wound just gets deeper
The pains become more intolerable.

It would be better to avoid those things
But, they’re just around me
Almost everything that surrounds me
Reminds me of him
That’s why
Never a second since the...

...time he left
That he wasn’t a part of my thought
For each second that I breathe
Each tick of the clock
Every thump of my brain
And pound of my heart.
At every angle of my ear,
Voices just seem to whisper his name
At every gaze of my eyes
All I see are images of him
Oh how preoccupied I am with his memories
Every move that I make,
I just can feel the blow of the wind
Carrying the kisses he once gave me
I just can smell the scent of his hair..
His sweat and his body
Playing at the corners of my nose
Oh how I wish I could get over him
Like the way he forgot about me
So swiftly…So instantly.

Every time I remember his face
There comes a sudden stab of knife
In my heart, then all over my body
As if I am being massacred
Just by thinking about him.
Then, I begin to bleed horrendously
There comes the halo on my vision
Then, I start to see things revolving so fast
That it makes me sick
It makes me want to vomit
The poison that is brought about by him
All I want this time is to get rid of everything
That is in touch with him
How I want to forget the time that I’ve known him
The time he sent me a message at friendster
The time we decided to be couples
The time he visited me here at my place
The time he sang songs that sent tingles on my spine

How I am dying to just remove him in my life
But, I know it ain’t that easy this time
The more I try to consciously forget him
The more he’ll cover up my mind and heart
So before, I finally get insane
Before I ever think of ending my life
Let me just allow him to preoccupy my life
I would just surrender myself to him
Because I know that’s the way to go
I have been through this a lot of times before
And I can attest to its effectiveness
In time,
I’ll be tired of thinking about him
I’ll be tired of feeling the pain
I’ll be tired of crying.
Simply, in time
I’ll get over him totally.
And, he’ll just be a bitter
Or should I say
The bitterest part of my past.

But, then again
I want to thank him
For he made me in touch
With what seems to be
Just a fantasy of my past
He made me believe
That knight in the shining armor
Do exist in the modern times
That there’s still Prince Charming
That miracle does happen
Fairy tales do exist
And Mr. Dreamboy
Is just around the corner.

He will be a living testimony for me
That it is indeed possible
To be cared, caressed, longed for
And loved by someone that we love.

It was so evasive for me before
Then, he came
And swept me off my feet
Sad to say,
He lifted me up
But, later on
Pushed me away
Till I kissed the ground
With my body soaked in tears
Bathing in the bloody exhibition
Brought by my traumatized totality.

I love him
I really do.
But, with the pains that he caused me
I believe it wouldn’t be long enough
That I’ll be over him, as well.
My fingers are crossed.
Let’s just hope for the best.

But, one thing for sure
If he’ll come back to me
I will never hesitate
To embrace him
To enclose him in my love
And to forever supply him
With bottomless love
From the deepest part of me.

I love him…
Though it is a self-inflicted torture.
I love him…
Though he doesn’t even care
I love him…
Though he left me hanging in the air.

He’s my dream…
My future…
My life…
Simply, my everything..
But the question is:
Am I his? ®

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Signs from Heaven

***This poem is still fresh and hot from my heart...
I've just written this poem seconds ago (It is now 3:28 in the morning of January 28, 2009).
So, read it while it's hot!!!

The other day (Jan 26)
I asked God for a sign
An omen…
A reminder…
A wake-up call from heaven.

I asked Him
For something
That could serve as my light
So I could see things in its real form
And not just enclose my eyes into the image
That I am projecting into it.

For the past 10 days
I was living in full blast
I had the love of my life
The missing part of the broken puzzle of my heart
And my knight in shining armor
To sound more rhetorical about it.

I thought that that will be it
The moment that I’ve been waiting for
And the person that I’ve been dreaming of since then
All into one perfect package.

I thought that finally
I will be celebrating Valentine’s Day
For the first time in my life
With the person that I love
And who loves me, too in return.

I thought that on Feb. 14
Words will come out naturally in my mouth
Without a touch of hypocrisy
Without a tint of bitterness in my heart
As I say to anyone, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
(Well, we’ll see on that day.
Who knows what might happen tomorrow
Or the day before Feb. 14?)

As I planned to ask God for a sign
Fear rumbled into the...

...surface of my heart
Hesitancy came flooding into my brain
Weakness dwelt in my spirit
Though it was just so small
My desire to live in the real world
No matter how painful it will be
Caused me to go on
And so I asked God
For a sign.
A specific sign that was.

I was hurting already by that time
Just to think of the great possibility
That the sign will turn out towards something
That I don’t want to see
And that I don’t want to accept
No matter how obvious it will be
No matter how loud will the voices
Telling me to get out of the pit
And save myself from further pains.

The time of judgment came
Just this 12 in the evening
It was the deadline that I asked God
The end time for Him of showing me the sign
That I asked for the other day.

As the time came closer to its end
Hope still lived within me
And as I sensed that signs aren’t turning
Out the way that I want to
I begun to asphyxiate
And to feel more pain
At the middle of my chest.

Finally, the time arrived.
I had the sign.
And it was in full force
Of being so obvious.

Sad to say…
I can’t even say the words now
I can’t even face reality this time
How I wish I could just forget
Everything about him
Because now, I am in great pain
While thinking of what I had with him
Within those ten days.

It was just a short time for both of us
But those moments of my life
Are undeniably the best, yet
But now, those times
Are nothing but memories that kills me in pain.
Love had a decoy once again.
And now I’m paying the price
Of not being vigilant about it.

I am in great ache this time
My tears are running
Involuntarily on my face
My eyes are welling up
I want to shout out loud
I want to release the pain within me
I was almost at the point of bliss
Then, God took it away from me.

Oh how I want to hate God
But I can’t
I know He knows best
And I know I am just saying this
Because I am being misled
By the outstanding rating scale of my pain.

My eyes are now swollen
Masked with tears
Reddened with the overflowing love
Within my heart.

If you can just see me now
Then, you’ll understand
How broke I am.

I hate this feeling
I’ve just been through this
And now, I am struggling to move on once again
I guess that’s just it
It’ll always be a cycle.
How I wish,
There will come a time
That the cycle will stop
At the happiest time of my life
Like what I had just lost.

I miss him
The times that we’ve been together
Comprise all the happiest memories
I had ever had in my life.

It was simply the best feeling.
Sad to say that it lasted only for ten days.®

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Five Stages of Mending a Broken Heart

Hi guys, I just want to share this old article of mine here at my blog with the hope that somehow it can reach more wounded hearts like mine...

Before my blog, I already posted this somewhere online…I forgot the site.

I wrote this when I was still in 4th year college (2009), but the date won’t matter because my COPYCATS were wise enough to indicate that they posted this article earlier (some were dated 2007, and so on).

But, whether you believe it or not, this is my article.

Before, I’ve already seen some rewritten versions of this online, but I was surprised to find out just now (11-01-12) that the numbers grew exponentially.  A lot of internet marketers even made eBooks out of it, and there are some who even claim this article as their own. Try to google them.

I also saw this on associated content.

Honestly, I am so pissed and disappointed, but all I can do now is to spread to as many readers as possible that I am the ORIGINAL WRITER of this masterpiece.

This article of mine has gone VIRAL, online. Unfortunately, none of my COPYCATS gave me credit on being the ORIGINAL WRITER. L

It pains me!

Below is the REAL, UNEDITED VERSION OF THE ARTICLE (forgive me for the grammatical errors). 

Check the links of the rewritten versions of this at the end of the article.

This article was adapted from Kubler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grieving

You were there sitting alone in the crowded place, deserted, neglected and unloved---yet it was just a mere feeling brought about by your irrational generalization that no body loves you just because you were dumped by someone.

Short with the strength to jump off the building, or overdose yourself with sleeping pills, you resort to something else. Overpowered by your faith that suicide is a mortal sin, and held back by your guilt and the future that awaits you, you can not bear to cut yourself and bleed to death. So you cling into isolation, lie on bed all day long with your bottomless stocks of chocolate bars and black forest cake. Then, beside you is your cell phone in the hopeful case of receiving text messages or even a call from him/her. Yet your expectations turned to disappointments. Text messages were all dropping like raindrops, yet nothing was from him. To your dismay, you focused on your sweets, savouring each bite as you reminisce your times with him at People’s Park. You were relieved with your emptiness. Yet you begin to bloat and get ill---so comes another problem. But, you don’t care. You even wish that the earth would eat you up and be its sumptuous meal or that while sleeping you will traverse the road towards everlasting peace through a medical condition called acute hemorrhagic pancreatitis. So, the moment you wake up, you don’t have to suffer the strong blow of reality. You don’t have to dehydrate yourself from crying an ocean of icy cold tears, brought by the arctic position that you are in. With that painless Passover from life to death, you were able to escape hell in your temporal existence. Yet you will not experience heaven in your eternal life.
Cases like these are not new already. At some point in your life, you had also shared a part in the floods and tsunamis brought about by the uncontrolled transformation of your emotions into torrent of tears.
What do you do?
The key to any form of healing is through the acceptance that there is a problem. More so, you have to acknowledge that you have to go through different stages in mending your broken heart. Once you realize these things, you are now on the starting point in your pursuit towards complete healing. You can even chart your progress and see that it's only a short trip to recovery.

STAGE ONE: Denial Stage

Symptoms: This is where you are now. You know for sure that everything between you and him has come to an end. Yet you choose to close your eyes on the real thing and create the same world like you had with him before. But, it isn’t just the same. Now, it is only you living in it. The fact is that, the two of you are now separate entities treading in parallel directions. Still, you force yourself in making those lines cross once more. You consciously blind yourself because you can not accept the fact that it is all over. The things you used to do, have or experience before that he’s still in your life are completely different now.
You wake up in the morning, grab your cell phone and send him a message saying, “good morning baby, it’s time to wake-up…” Then, his reply would be, “good morning, too but you’re not my baby anymore…” It hurts of course, yet you won’t give up. You’ll think of excuses for his cold reply. Maybe he’s just kidding or is just trying to piss me off. Or maybe he’s just having a bad day from our misunderstanding the other night. This would be your daily habit. Time after time, you send him a message that he won’t bother to reply even with a smiley or a single word. To your despair, you’ll call him every now and then, only to hear the voice saying, “the telephone number you dial is either unattended or out of coverage area, please try again later…” True to it, you try and try.
You go into the nearest internet cafe, open your friendster account and post a comment on his page. Again, you’ll sound as if he’s still yours. Only to find out later that his primary picture only has his face, with the widest grin as if nothing happened. Worse, you opened his photo gallery only to see a picture of him with another girl or even worse, with another man.
Every morning, you pass by his house as you go to school, waiting for him to come out alone or with another man/woman. You pass by his room as you go into yours, waiting for him to notice you and say even “hi” or just throw a smile. At night, silence is killing you. You feel the pain intensifies as it gets darker. So, you'll find a shoulder to cry on and release the burden inside that has been torturing you consciously. Then, you were relieved. The next morning you go back into your daily habit.
You hang-out with friends and sing out your emotions at World Palace or Gmik Barkada, and when the song plays; you begin with, “hindi ko kaya na limutin kita, masdan mong mga luha sa aking mga mata. Pilitin ko man ako’y masasaktan, ang katotohanan ay mahal pa rin kita.”

How to cope: An AB Psychology Professor of ADDU said, “In the early stages, accept your pain. If you'd broken your leg, you'd expect it to hurt for a while and you'd manage your life around it. It's the same with emotional pain: to cope with heartbreak, let your heart be broken for a while. It will heal easier if you let nature take its course.” She also added that you must realise that healing from emotional pain is a rollercoaster ride - not a straight line. Physical injury will get steadily better day by day but emotional hurt doesn't heal like that. You get a run of good days, then WHAM! A bad one hits. Expect these, and you'll discover you can cope with the heartbreak much better.”
These words are really easier said than done, but you must take the risk if you want to save your heart. In any hurting situation, most of us delve into tears. So give in to it. As said earlier, you must feel the pain. You can not go on to another stage unless you were able to pass through the first phase. To really feel the pain, you must give up the things you were used to before. Like if you were accustomed to receiving sweet text messages every now and then starting from the moment you wake up until you close your eyes and sleep at night. Now, you must get used of not having those. Worse, you must not insinuate things to happen again. You will just hurt yourself more. It would just add up to the wound that is still in the process of healing. With that, the curing process will be lengthened; the pain would be more severe as you keep on adding trauma to the lesion. It’s like you have just undergone an open heart surgery and because of straining too much, the site of incision will undergo dehiscence and evisceration. If you would not stop from adding trauma to the freshly operated wound, eventually complications will arise. Before you knew it you were already bleeding relentlessly like the flow of blood in a dying person. If you want to save yourself, then just feel your current pain but don’t add up more. Your pain threshold might be so high to acknowledge that you are that injured already, but later on you will realize the consequences of your actions. Just hope that it isn’t too late to revive yourself once more.
I know there are still lots of ways to cope up during this stage, so I asked some SPCians about it. Mr. Cubresis, a nursing student said, “I just eat a lot to divert my attention. But when the pain becomes so severe already, I just cry it out.” Most of what I had interviewed engaged themselves to activities that could divert their attention. Mr. Anga, a nursing student said that during this crucial time, he goes out with friends and just have fun. There are also who really tries to see the bright side of the situation and just think of positive things. Some regain their composure by reminding themselves of how beautiful they are; that this time is a perfect opportunity to give chance to others who are on the line, dying to be with them. Indeed, it can soothe your pain for some time. But still you can’t deny that in your solitude, sadness will still eat you up. So, temporary escape could be a choice. Yet your last option would still be to feel the pain until it hurts no more.

STAGE TWO: Anger Stage

Symptoms: You’ve been hurt so much on the first stage. Your line of thought this time is rage, fueled by the intensity of pain you had endured. It follows that your pain and your anger are directly proportional to each other. Don’t worry, it’s not a bad sign to be angry. It is just a reminder that your heart is beginning to heal. You start on saying bad words to him at the back of your mind. What nerve he had to dump me! He’s not even handsome, rich or intelligent. He’s simply nobody. Eventually, you’ll see yourself backbiting him. Once your mouth begins to open up and utter its first word, it would be hard to stop just like addiction. Sometimes, you even fabricate your words just to make it worse. You’ve become the antagonist without you knowing it. So you reassess yourself at one time, and you’ll realize that you’re anger had taken you towards being someone you are not. You begin to be guilty with what you’ve done. But, it would only last for some time, and then you’ll turn the blame on him. It’s all his fault. If only he did not do this to me. If only we are still together, doing the same things we used to do. If only he still has the eyes to see the beauty that is in front of him each time we pass by at each other. If only he did not break my heart.
Later on, you’ll have a temporary reawakening from the truth and had come to accept it by heart. So, you start on dating. During your free time, you go out to the nearest internet café and chat with different people. You’ll have lots of new acquaintances. Some you’ve known in the chat room, others through your cell phone. There are a few who had been introduced to you by a friend, and still some you’ve come to mingle and dance with at the night clubs.
Weeks or months after, you have a new boyfriend. Good for you---but how about to the guy or to the relationship itself? Of course you know at the back of your mind that rebound relationships are not healthy. First, it is unfair for your partner. Second, you’re fooling yourself. It is not love that you have towards him. You just gave in to him because you know that your night is cold and you need warmth to save you from chronic sadness and soon depression. Sooner or later your affair will break. It is like a piece of glass ware; so fragile and breakable. It can not take even the slightest tension.

How to cope: In the words of the psychology professor of ADDU, “Don't add guilt to anger. If you've been dumped or abandoned, it's quite reasonable to expect to feel anger. (That doesn't mean get physically or emotionally abusive though - that will land you in a lot of trouble - even jail!) Anger's not a bad emotion - it's better than despair.” Indeed, you must release what you truly feel because if not, it will wreck yourself. You can’t have your focus, so you’ll become a mess. Eventually all the unexpressed feelings and unspoken words that you have inside will clog up and can even lead to a malignant tumor. You have no excuses to express what you truly feel. As they say, “You can close your eyes for the things you don’t want to see, but you can not stop the beating of your heart to avoid the feelings you don’t want to feel.”
The psych professor also added, “Don't stay angry. Anger is a phase you'll probably go through – it’s part of how to cope with the pain of heartbreak, but it isn't the only answer! It takes a lot of energy to stay angry, and the only person who'll be hurt is you. Eventually, you'll get bored and exhausted with the anger - so look for signs of that and welcome them as moving on!”
However, if you’re still at the peak of releasing what you feel. Then, don’t hesitate to express it in any way you like. Just remember that all your actions should be coupled with responsibility, since whether you like it or not everything has its repercussions. You can release your anger through some activities that you love to do. If you love playing computer games, then release what you feel in every stroke that you make in your keyboard or joystick. Or if releasing your physical strength is your passion, then, you can punch your pillow, your bed or even the hard walls of your room. Mr. Baldon, a nursing student, chose to have tongue piercing because for him physical pain is far easier to endure that emotional pain. But still, if you are not contented with what you did, you can resort on some thing else that will give you satisfaction. You can opt to do things which you will regret later. But, at least it helps in lightening up what you feel. I mean, you can formalize your break-up by getting rid of everything you have that reminds you of him. You can get his picture and throw dart pins on it, tear it into pieces, or draw something on it. You can take out all his love letters inside your cabinet and burn it one by one together with the memories that each letter has. Be aware though, that months or years from now, you’ll wish that you haven’t done it. That it’s also good to have something that will remind you of your past and how you were able to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and continue on living and loving. It’s good to know how those memories from the past add up to your strength in facing life’s ups and downs.

STAGE THREE: Bargaining Stage

Symptoms: You think you had completely forgotten him. Yet you are totally wrong. Things are all coming back to you again. You can’t sleep at night thinking about him. You begin to pray and wish that things between the two of you could be settled once more. You’re now going back at the first stage of denial. It only differs because now you would take it a step higher. You will do whatever it takes to have him back. Before, you were just looking from afar, yet now you will be hands-on with your strategies.
You begin eyeing on him, following his every move, waiting for the perfect moment to approach him and do your thing. When that time comes, you’ll fight hard to have the nerve to say what you want to say and do what you want to do. At first, you will be tongue-tied, yet once you’ve said a word or two, the eloquence of your speech will be so superb; it can even be delivered while receiving the Nobel Peace Price. Then, you’ll also borrow the words of Akon, “…so I want to take this time out to apologize for the things that I’ve done…and then later on you’ll hear yourself singing the song “sorry, blame it on me” (the female version) in front of him. Moments after, your tears begin to well up in your eyes until they have nowhere to go but cascade in your face. You will make sure that your words could make a best-selling book and your actions could give you the best actress trophy. Your plan to revive your relationship now lies in your power, as far as your belief is concerned.
Things will now turn upside down; you’ll now be the one courting him, begging on your knees for him to come back again. You would adhere on the cliché, “Please give me a second chance…I can’t live without you…You are my life…” Then, you’ll sing, “I love you more than you’ll ever know…” But, at the end of the day, you go home all by yourself. Your efforts had served its purpose. But, it did not turn on the way you wanted it to be. To see yourself from a distance, “You open up your television, turned your DVD player on and played One More Chance by Bea and John Lloyd.” You begin to hope that your love story will be like Bash and Popoy. That in time you and your guy will still end up in each other’s arms.
Hope is all you have this time. And it is also the only thing that keeps you from moving on. You are caught in the dilemma between giving up your hope, which means giving up on him and on the chances that he might come back or giving up your hope to have a new beginning…To start again. The choice is yours.

How to cope: Think of how pathetic you’ve become. Ask yourself. Reassess what you’ve done these past few days. How long are you going to stay in such situation? What is it anyways that you like in taking risks from reviving something which has long been dead? Again, you only add trauma to the injury. You’re just prolonging your agony. Are you a masochist? Well then, consult a psychiatrist the soonest time possible. Or are you just stupid? Sorry, but until now there hasn’t been a cure for stupidity since people become more stupid as they try to formulate a remedy towards this addiction.
Definitely it is good to never give up. Never say die, as they say. But, in cases like this; only fools have the eyes to see a spark of optimism. We must choose our battles. We must have enough reason to fight for something. Victories will not live its name if not driven by solid grounds for its existence. I can say that in this instance, your triumph is in giving up the fight. If your heart tells you to fight, but your mind tells you otherwise. Then, remember that you are more a rational being than an emotional one.
The soonest time possible, you must take the first trip from dreamland to reality. For sure, there will be lots of seats for you since most people would prefer to stay longer from their fancies.
To motivate you in getting rid of your fantasies, of course, you must think of the bad things about it. The same thing goes in getting rid of him. As Ms. Alonzo, a nursing student said, “For you to forget him easily, you must think of his negative qualities. By that, you can surely have enough reason as to why it is okay that the two of you are not together anymore.”
You must bear in mind that bargaining has its limitations. You can compare it from “ukay-ukay,” though sometimes you can get something at the price convenient for you, most of the time the owner also has his limit in giving you a bargain.
So if your guy offers friendship to you, it’s like the sales boy closing the price tag of one hundred pesos to eighty pesos. It’s far from the fifty pesos tag that you want or the “more than friends” status that you desire. But, that’s the deal---and it’s non negotiable.

STAGE FOUR: Depression Stage

Signs and symptoms: You will be like a walking zombie. There will be dark circles around your eyes, large eye bags and sleepy eyes, pale lips, limp extremities and soulless body. You are always caught staring blankly at the walls and once you have a picture of him in your mind, more so if he’s in front of you, for sure you’ll have a tunnel vision. You can’t see anything at your peripheries, but him. The words of your tongue always speak of him; you are preoccupied by his memories and eaten up by the fact that you’re out of his life. Indisputably, you failed in your effort to cope up in your bargaining stage. You only see the gloomy side of everything. You think that your effort in having him back in your life was useless. But, if you are at the right state of mind, you will realize that it is not futile at all. If you did not take chances, you will not know the outcome.
You pity yourself for what is happening on you. You feel that you’re the center of the universe and that everyone and everything are against you. You think that the world is so focused on you alone; in making your life miserable. You begin to perceive yourself as so different from other people; that you’re despondent and they are not; that you’re alone and they’re together with their loved ones. You will have these feelings until you take him out as the center of your life.
You are not comfortable in the crowd. You prefer staying alone in your dark room and feel the sympathy of silence, gloomy night and mellow music. You love the sensation of tears as they gush out of your tear ducts and pour the unending sentiment of salty encumbrance. Crying becomes your detachable compulsion.
Slowly, you begin to ruin your life. Your grades start to fall down since you can not focus on your work. Your social life becomes feeble as you isolate yourself from the outside world. Your health begins to deteriorate as your nutritional needs are not met and your sense of responsibility vanishes with the wind.
Sooner you’ll have chronic depression and you’ll be asked to take some drugs. Worse, you’ll be admitted to a psychiatric hospital as your symptoms worsen and your chance for recovery is only by the hands of the psychiatrists. You’ll have suicidal ideations. You’ll think of different ways to terminate your life in the way most convenient and accessible for you.
Are you going to wait for this moment for you to acknowledge the truth? It hurts but you must bear in mind for always, that in this life nothing is meant forever. Nights become mornings, seasons change, leaves die and hearts will break. This is the creed of life. You have no choice but to live with it and take its flow.

How to cope: More than anything, acknowledge that depression is a state of mind. It is more of what you think than what you do. When you’ll accept that fact and keep it in your heart, for sure you are a step closer to full recovery.
The same as with the denial stage, diversion is one of the keys towards fighting depression. You must deflect your attention towards anything, except him. Like in any stage, it will not be easy. Yet the rewards are worth it. So, just follow your instinct. Proceed and don’t even hesitate.
As what Ms, Alava, a nursing student said, “In times like this, I go out and breathe fresh air; reflect on what has happened in my life and what are still to transpire. I go to mass everyday and pray for God’s healing grace. Despite of all the pains that I’ve been through, I still believe that He has a reason for all of these. I believe He knows best. As we say it in our prayer, “Your will be done.” So be it. Eventually, I was able to move on and forget him.”
When you’ve started to direct your mind, your energy and your heart to other things; you begin to be engrossed about it. Before you know it, he’s not in your thoughts already. A day would pass without you being bothered by memories of him. Well, that is definitely an excellent sign of healing. Your wound had already formed a scab. Eventually, it will just be a scar---a marker that some time in your life you were able to love, be hurt and move on.
Moreover, you can undergo a total make-over with the best hair stylist and fashion experts in town. Then, full of confidence and energy, you can ramp your way onwards. Take it from Ms. Tabucan, a nursing student who gave herself a head-to-toe transformation. After some time, her crush became her boyfriend. They had been together for six years now and still going strong.
Likewise, now is the best time for you to gather enough strength that will radiate from within. More than ever, now is the moment to think of your blessings and be thankful of it. Be aware that in this world, you are not the only person who experiences the same agony that you have at this point of time. Be inspired with the survival stories of the people who had been in your situation and made it a life-transforming event. Believe that you can overcome this crucial stage of your healing. Acknowledge your weaknesses, but bear in mind that your power is more than enough to compensate for them. But above all, trust that prayer is still the best tool in your quest towards complete recovery.
In addition, the AB Psychology Professor of ADDU said, “Recall that in Chinese, the word for "crisis" is also the same as the word for "opportunity." Endings, however they come about, are also new beginnings. Each night, before going to sleep, let your mind tiptoe back through your day and find at least three good things that happened to you today. It maybe as simple as a child smiling at you, seeing a rainbow, hearing a cuckoo or some tune that you love on the radio. Write them down. If you compile these "magic moments" in a notebook that you keep by your bed, in a year you'll have a thousand great memories! And as you keep reaching for these positives, you'll find your life - including your love life - will improve, slowly at first, then faster and faster - as if by magic! This is the best mechanism I know for how to cope with heartbreak! Remember, the greatest revenge is massive success - and when it comes to coping with heartbreak, that success is defined as your personal happiness”

STAGE FIVE: Acceptance Stage
Symptoms: One morning, you wake-up, look in front of the mirror and ask yourself what you saw in him in the first place. You begin to laugh at the things that you’ve done before. You hear a song that reminds you of him, yet it does not bother you anymore. You pass by him at the school’s corridor; and you just smile and walk away. It did not even ring a bell in your heart. When asked about him, you have the confidence to say, “Yes, he’s out of my life, that’s why he is my EX.”
You go on dating. But, this time you know that the relationship that you will have is not a rebound anymore. You know that your heart is now ready to accept a new occupant. One who will love you the way you wanted to be loved. However, you must still be open that no matter how good he looks both in and out, he still carries some possibilities of hurting yourself on the process or worse in hurting yourself until you give up and be brokenhearted again.

How to cope: You have now proven to yourself that you can overcome a break-up, move on and totally forget about him. You are now a living confirmation that hearts do heal in time. When you reach this stage, you are back again to becoming the person that you are meant to be; full of happiness, vigour and positive energy. Any moment from now, you can have another love; this time you can be wiser. You will now know when to hold on and when to stop; when to let go and when to move on.

Now that you know these five stages of break-up, you will now able to identify the processes involved. If you do fall in love and be broken hearted again, at least you can monitor your quest to recovery.

Falling in love has just become easy for most of us, yet falling out of love for the purpose of healing has never been painless. It’s always a complicated process. But don’t be afraid to love and to be hurt. Each scar in your heart has a story to tell, it reminds you of the points in your life where you had been at your weakest, yet still managed to survive and live to tell your stories.
Life is full of surprises; of second, third and even more chances. Believe as well in the power of positive attraction. If you want to know more about it, you can buy the book or the DVD entitled, “The Secret.” For sure, it can help you as you go along your healing process.
Once the words had been said, actions had been done; there is no other direction but forwards. So, move on. You can look back to the place where you’ve been through. But, stepping back to it is another story. Again, the choice is yours. ®


Fry Me to Death

***I made this article way back in college. This topic article was assigned to me, but unfortunately it wasn't published in our magazine issue that time. Or should I say, we failed to release any magazine during that semester...hehe...
**I was a senior staff writer of THE ROCK, the official school paper of San Pedro College.
*I made this article last January 16, 2008

Fry me to death?
A guide in beating the odds of stage fright
By: Raymond “Ube” Umpa 01-16-08

Whoever has the guts of saying he had completely got rid of stage fright can now stop reading this article, drop this magazine and throw it on my face! Then, I would get the microphone and say, “and the Oscar’s best actor goes to….”
Generally speaking, we can not really totally overcome stage fright, but we can control it and use it for our advantage. We must always bear in mind that we have authority over our body through the faculties of our thoughts. As what we’ve known about the law of attraction, “thoughts become things.” Whatever we think at a moment, believe that it will happen --- and it surely will.
All throughout my experiences as a performer, I had heard a lot of the resounding symphony of applause and the energizing resonance of the screech of hundreds of spectators. I had stepped my feet on many stages, been the darling of the crowd and had enough experiences with the art of entertaining people. Yet, until now, I still carry with me the butterflies in my stomach. I know those butterflies that have lived in me since my first exposure in a large audience when I was 5 years old, until my recent disclosure with a large group are still a 100 percent the same. I don’t know how they were able to live that long without me intentionally wanting them to stay, and without me nurturing their health and watching them as they grow. But, yes, I am sure about it. I said so, since I can still remember the same feeling when I was a child and compare it now that I have grown up. Each time I stand up in front of many people and do my thing, I still feel the same reaction. I can still feel the same machinery-like beating of my heart, coupled with kussmaul’s respiration and diaphoretic hands. There is still this state of frigidity every time I am caught in the sphere of thinking about who will be watching, how will they react and how will I even manage to take a single step forward.
As always, there is an endless list of thoughts that take charge on me. So, I became slave to it, and my body then, embodies what these thoughts impose. The deadlock in any exposure to a large group always comes before we stride out of the backstage and into the center stage. Obviously, it intensifies as the moment comes closer to its actualization. Yet, based on experience, these uncomfortable feelings are not that strong enough to sustain itself and completely ruin our chance of leaving a good impression to the audience. Any performer would know that moments after we have managed to be on stage, got the attention of the crowd and felt the heat of our momentum; our body tends to slowly go back to its normal state. Then, all we can feel by that time is the warm appreciation of the group and the smouldering heat of our passion to entertain the audience. I do not really have a solid explanation about how and why these things happen spontaneously. But, as a performer and a speaker, I know by heart, that I get my strength as I go along. Perceptibly, I can not really discover what I am capable of doing if I have not had the courage to take the risk of going out of my comfort zone and say YES to stardom!
I had been through the ups and down of performing before a group, and of course, I had tried so many times to completely eliminate stage fright. Yet, I had never been triumphant on it. Then, I found out that stage fright can not really be eradiated a hundred percent. Nonetheless, it can be reduced to a tolerable level and as I have said, we can always use it in our advantage.
So does it mean that I am now anticipating that every time I would speak or perform before a large group, I would always have the same intensity of shaky knees, trembling hands, dry mouth, tight throat, hyperactive heart and lungs and highly unstable gastrointestinal peristaltic movements? --- Of course not!
Now that I became more aware of its presence and was able to recollect on my experiences, I had managed to formulate a remedy in controlling stage fright. I know for sure that these steps are not new to us, yet these simple things just happened to be the fundamentals in the course of beating the odds of stage fright. In order for us to remember it easily, I decided to present it in a mnemonic, “F-O-C-U-S.”
Indeed, focusing is really a must in any field of work. We can be more productive in our task if we only pay attention on to what is in front of us. Meaning, we must get rid of unnecessary thoughts that would just divide our attention and could even hinder us in targeting perfection in our task. To accentuate the importance of focusing even better, I will now present this mnemonic.

F-eel free to breathe and pray.
We have unlimited AIR to breathe in, more so it has no extra charge. So take the most of it as much as possible. Believe me, after a series of deep breathing exercises, you will feel more relaxed and more ready to face the audience without even a clue of anxiety.
Being SPCians, of course, we have been told about the value of prayer in all our undertakings. If not, then what is the purpose of having a strong faith in God as one of our core values? We might as well reassess ourselves if we really are for this school. If we should forget a thing before our turn on stage, it should not be our moment of prayer. Prayer has been the tool of many victories of humankind. We need not test its efficacy, doing so would just alter the real purpose of talking to Him. When we pray, we are also feeling half of the price of being victorious. Whatever the outcome would be, it will not be a factor already, as long as we had done our best and had offered our performance for the glory of God --- it is always more than winning first price.

-ust negative thoughts.
Preoccupation with senseless negativity is a big No-No before one will perform on stage. Thinking about bad things to happen will just add up to our anxiety, thus, worsening the symptoms that we feel at the moment. Eventually, if we will be filled with so much negative energy in our body, then, it would radiate out and manifest itself. As one advocates of “The Secret” said, “What we think, what we feel and what manifests is always a match.”
We will not lose anything if we think of positive outcomes. So why not fill our minds with its power. For sure, our performance will be superb! See, did I just think positively?!

C-ollect yourself.
Simply speaking, it means that we must be present. Our bodies must be working attentively with our minds. But of course, it would not be complete without an inner drive that would set the action on fire. There must be the desire to act and do it well. With this, the passion to entertain comes into the limelight. Any effort would serve nothing if not partnered with the desire of the person to do it. Our passion serves as our heart here; it helps us go towards the right destination.
Needless to say, part of collecting ourselves is being prepared with what we are going to do. So, practice is still very essential.

U-nload expectations.
With lots of expectations in our minds before our performance, it would be one heck of a disaster. Of course, part of performing well as I have said is having focus, and we certainly cannot settle a focused mind if we are preoccupied with our expectations, as well of those of our parents’ or those of other people. We cannot carry that enormous amount of pressure if we are to compose ourselves in stage and be at our best performance level as much as possible.
We must not worry about the outcome. We just have to be positive, as said earlier.

S-hine on!
Do not even let a second of hesitation dwell on your spirit! You’ve got the power now in your hands. You have what it takes to make or break your moment. Or should I say, now is your opportunity to step out of the shadow of timidity and frail knees; and say “hi” to the glitz and glamour of a performer. Let’s say the sparkling moment only lasts for a short while, but the confidence that it will give you will surely lead you towards taking any chances in life.
Just believe that you are meant for greatness. As they say, don’t settle for mediocrity. Any time soon, you have to decide to go out of your shell and explore. The world is such a big place for just few stars. In fact, I believe that each of us is already a star; we only differ in our radiance. Of course, the more exposure we have to the lights outside, the more we emit this brilliance to the world. So, as early as now, we must already invest on the light that we are going to contribute to the world, especially during times when darkness just seems so strong.

Now that you’ve known these strategies, are you now courageous enough to take chances and feel the nerves of standing before a crowd? You might as well ask yourself, “When was the last time I set my feet on stage?”
As a last piece of advice, we must always bear in mind that the stage is indeed where all the action is…but it is not necessarily the one we see in our gym or at the theatre or auditorium. It could be the very ground that we are standing now. So we should not be afraid of stepping on it, as what Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage and we are merely actors and actresses.”
In our day to day lives, we must take into consideration that we are performing in the largest stage in the universe. Just imagine the people watching our every move, eyeing on our mistakes and criticizing on our weaknesses to the purpose of pulling us down. These realities are far heavier than the reasons that fuel the life of the butterflies in our stomach every time we think of standing in front of the crowd over the man-made stage. If we are not anxious with our performance in the real stage of life, then why should we be afraid of stepping on its replica? ®

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Morning MI

***This poem was sort of a sequel of my poem One Night Only.
I wrote this last October 10, 2008 at 6:45 in the morning, the very moment I woke-up in bed.

Last night
I cried myself to sleep
Hoping that today
My sadness
Will be swept away…
I woke up
Without tears
In my pillow
Thinking that from now on
It will be a new beginning.
But moments after
Thoughts of you
Came rushing to my mind
I realized
I can’t escape
This loving feeling…
Of that night
Started to...

My heart with heavy loads
A characteristic feeling
Of a sudden
MI attack
But sad to say
Is of no help
This time
This is not
An emergency situation
That requires
STAT medications
This is more of
A viral infection
The resolution
Of my symptoms
All lies in my power…
There is no remedy
For this pain
But to feel it
Until I get numb
I believe this
Is a chronic heart attack
Uniquely designed
To resolve without
Nursing nor
Medical interventions…
So today
I am giving myself
The pleasure
Of crying out loud
To unload the
Pain within my heart
I want to reminisce
All the memories
I had with you
Although it hurts
I will endure the pain
This is the only
Way I know
Of reuniting myself
With you
And I will do this
Until I get used to it
And it becomes so familiar
So ordinary…
That there will come a time
That it’ll no longer
Ring a bell
Nor spark a light in my heart…
Has its process
Towards its
Total resolution
I can’t tell
As to how long
Or short it will be
But one thing for sure,
I am getting there. ®

One Night Only

***This poem was written last 10-05-08.

For a night
I felt the world
At its best
How I wished
I could freeze
Every second
Every passing time
Where I was in touch
With what I thought
Could just be fantasy
Drawn into canvass
And will never come to life
I was there
Sitting at the majestic bed
As I watched the jeepneys
Running like matchbox
From the 10th floor
And there he was
Talking with me
Trying to make me
Feel at home
With his presence
Our chit-chat
Went on and on
Till the only light
That illuminates the night
Were the warm radiance
Of the lampshade
And the conglomeration
Of city lights outside
That seep through
The glass window
And the ivory colored curtain.
What a perfect picture
Of a honeymoon
If only we were
Newly Weds
But, we’re just
Two strangers
Partnered by fate
During that cold and gloomy night
To make a night full of pleasure
Filled with moans
And explosion of sticky white secretions
Moments after
We were laid back
Out of exhaustion…
Then, morning came
As expected
The flag ceremony began
So, I can’t help but bite
And take a bunch
Of my meaty
And sumptuous breakfast in bed
Time has come
For our goodbyes
I took a bath
To feel the water
Of Marco Polo
Returned his clothes
And put on mine
I bid farewell
And so he did
We thanked each other
I went out
And our... night stand ended…
…But wait, it didn’t end
…For me
Though for him
I believe it did
I felt something for him
I can’t say it’s love
But, it isn’t lust, as well
I believe it’s more than that
I was caught off guard again
By my vulnerability
To thoughtful acts
So here I am
Suffering to the product
Of my susceptibility to romance
Torturing myself
With the thoughts
Of wanting him badly
By my side…
How I wish
I could learn the skill
Of sticking to the
No strings attached feeling
Cos’ in the end
It’ll always be me
Crying out for love
And affection…
From someone
Whom I can just call
A sexual partner…
And no more…


***One of my collection of poems...
Also, written 2 yrs ago...hehehe...

Sitting by the wall
Staring at the crowd
Waiting for somebody
To spare a single smile.
His counting went on and on
Yet to no avail
His patience fueled him
He procrastinated more and more.
His mind dictated for a move
But his body was so stiff to take an inch...

Worn-out, he sublimed
Went to his world
And seek for an embrace.
At the portals of his soul
Sadness took its form
It ran down through his face
And drew a picture of solitude.
Smile for him is so expensive
He can’t afford to give it away
He’s selfish in some angle,
Yet he’s dying to share his world. ®


***Again, this is one of my collections of poems...hehe
Written 2 yrs ago...hehe

One morning
I woke-up in a predicament
Perplexed and desperate
In drawing the line between two extremes.
Questions began haunting me
As I tried to escape the mystery
To just remain still
And not be changed or be affected
By this sudden spark of uncertainty…

The pulse of the confusion
Kept on throbbing at the surface
My anxiety was heightened
‘Till I broke-up and surrendered.
I gave in to what I believed was true
Where out of my disturbed mentality
I became vulnerable, imperceptive and irrational,
To the point of assimilating fantasy to reality. ®


***I wrote this poem...hmmm
I think, two years ago...
and I just want to share it with you... ;-)

One click,
And I was drowning in love,
Struggling to lift my head
And take a sniff of air
My body loses control,
While it weakens every second,
As it tries to fight and move over
My energy just drifts away
‘Till the ocean took my body
And my body became one with the water...

Another click,
And I was revived,
From the abyss of a fake love
Left alone under shock
Skeptic with what had happened
And now desperate to return
To what had been a comfort zone
Yet the ocean has no need of me already
Where the chance of drowning myself to death
Would just be a waste of time. ®

Friday, January 23, 2009


I had a dream, then.
But now, I had dreams.
And so, I’m confused
Whether to go with this dream first
Or to pursue with that dream?!?!?
Full of dreams…indeed.
But now, so full of possibilities

Of these dreams…

To be nothing but dreams.

3:35 am

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

False Optimism

I am an optimist
But sometimes
I pray that I’m not.
It pays to be positive
But it isn’t true all the time
Once in a while
We must learn how to discern
A realizable optimism
From a fancy piece of false reassurance
Or worse with what is just a bit of s**t.

Next time that you find it hard
To release your grip
To someone
That has been quiet so evasive
Just go with your instinct
And I know it tells you to let go
When you’re done
Just move forward and walk away
Leaving every piece of your hopes
To the forgotten silhouettes of your past

Your action was not a form of cowardice
Nor it was an escapism
From a losing battle
This time your world must be reopened
Yours arms must be ready for a hug
And before you even realize it
You’re in track once again
People will come filling-in your emptiness
Your sphere of influence, charm and power
Has been revitalized once more.

Letting go of someone
Isn’t synonymous
To giving up your fight
It was just a way to respect
The flow of nature
Of just allowing its natural flow to unveil
For now, it takes great courage to accept defeat
But it even takes more bravery to step out
And kiss new dating hello!®

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Cafe Solitaire

T’was just a night
Ordinary, cold and gloomy
With emptiness in my heart
Slowly eating up my soul

Little by little
You preoccupied my mind
With sweet nothings of yesterday
That has become nothing.

Suddenly, the scent of coffee
Lingered around me
Aromatic as it was
I closed my eyes
Took a whiff
And you took me once again
Into a world filled with thoughts of you.

T’was like a magic carpet ride
Only that I was just on my own
And in every corner from the sky
All I see is you.

Right from there
How I wanted to open up my eyes
To be on my face again
And be enlightened by reality.

Yet, I so loved the feeling
Of being with you even in my thoughts
That I can’t afford to open up my eyes
And all I see is me.

October ‘08

I hate myself for...

being so immunocompromised in love...
how I wish my cell-mediated immunity
could recognize the antigen that's slowly killing me...
that bull***t virus, bacteria, fungi, parasite or whatever you call that f*****g s**t --------
I call LOVE...

could someone be my vitamin
and revive my strength and passion...
then by saving me
maybe you can gain more meaning into your existence...
and realize what's your worth
and purpose...
but I’m not desperate
for your help...
I know I might be weak
but in time I’ll be fine...
I’m just immunocompromised...
and it's just self-limiting...
(I knw, medcally i shldn't inclde bactria and parasite in the list...heheh...y? figure it out..)

September ‘08

My Metamorphosis

At last...
I'm finally here..
Yet I know
This aint
All of it yet..

I've had
A share of
Being cheap...
But now I've changed...

By what?

By recent experiences
Unexpected and still shocking
Yet it all happened
Before my very eyes

I can feel it
Every part of me does
I belong to this new world
A place for the Upper Class
And the hard to please...

But, don't be scared
Nor get intimidated
My humility is still intact
It didn't change though
Everything of me did.

Here I am now
With head held on high
Facing to the highest
Heights that I can
So easily reach...

Nothing can stop me
Especially now
That I've found my Home
In this so-called dreamland
By the commoners.

This is just the start of it
The appetizer as they call it
But, time will just be the factor
Before the main dish will be served.

At last...
I'm finally here..
Yet I know
This aint
All of it yet..

My metamorphosis
Will never regress
It will go on...
On and on...

Nature has it...
Once a caterpillar
Turned into a
It has no other way to go...
But to spread its wings...
And FLY...


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Whining Narcissa

I've written this poem last August 20, 2008...Again, it's part of my collection of poems and I'll be posting the rest of my saved files, later.

Keep posted. Hehehe....

This poem is about Narcissa's (from Narcissus, The Self-Admirer)complain about her love life and about the way people treat her which for her, is not fit for a near perfect woman like her.

I delved into the frame of mind of Narcissa and what she will feel and think if ever she'll be rejected...

More so, I also have some hidden reasons.

Here it is....

Why can’t they love her as she is?
Don’t they have the eyes to see their loss?
How in the world they can treat her like that:
To just pass by her on the street
And ignore her in the dark solace of the night?

Oh what a pity for them to have a big loss like her!

Why can’t they see the goddess in her?
Can you tell me what their standard of beauty is?
And so she can correct them with what is right
With what is profoundly of optimum level of beauty
And of loveliness they can parade with in the metropolis.

Oh how I pity their taste of what is to be admired!

Why can’t they ask her out for dinner?
Don’t they have the courage to approach a deity like her?
Is she that intimidating or too much for them?
If only they know how low her standard of beauty is,
Then for sure, they would all come rushing for her hands.

Oh how pathetic of them to be such a coward!

Why do they underestimate themselves so much?
And why do they put her so high in the pedestal?
So high that they can no longer see the real her;
And enjoy the company of a star.

Oh how pathetic of them to degrade themselves!

Why can’t they hear her cries each night?
How often should she weep for them to recognize her?
And how loud should her bawl be for them to be awakened
That she is just as ordinary like them,
With only an extraordinary amount of beauty.

Oh how I wish they’ll listen now.

Why can’t they love her as she is?
Can’t they accept her being perfect
And live with the fact that they are not.
For once I hope they could get a life and notice her
She’ll soon be tired of waiting.
In a little while, she’ll return to her kingdom
And have a thousand years of beauty rest.©

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

November 2008 NLE Results: Receive Updates via SMS

Hi guys, I know you are as anxious and yet excited as I am about the upcoming release of the November 2008 Nursing Board Exam...

So, if you want to receive UPDATES via SMS from PRC regarding the release of the results...

Just click on the link below and fill-up the very brief info that the PRC needs from you...Don't worry---IT'S FREE OF CHARGE!!!

What are you waiting for...just click on the link below:


Thank You..

Goodluck to all of us...

God Bless...

Monday, January 5, 2009

November 2008 Nursing Board Exam Results

A friend of mine just informed me that the November 2008 Nursing Board Exam Result is finally AVAILABLE.

So, I looked for it immediately in the internet since I was one of the examinees who took the said exam last November 29 and 30, 2008. Of course, I prayed to God first for the outcome that I've been hoping for since then. My fingers were shaking as I typed in the words at the search box; my heart was beating so fast and I started to sweat a little though it's raining. I was so anxious already then, I felt an opposing feeling of relief and disappointment----it was a FALSE ALARM..hehehe...

As I read into the different blog posts regarding this matter, I learned that the results will be released by the PRC this March.

That's it for all of us....For now...

LEt's just continue to pray and hope for the BEST...


So, just keep posted...

This time, maybe you want to check on the results of the JUNE 2008 Nursing Board Exam...Here it is...

June 2008 Nursing Board Exam Results

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Welcome 2009

It’s now 12:49 am of January 1, 2009 and I would just like to say HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Hehehe…

Cheers to the best of luck this 2009!!!

God Bless…mwahhhhh…

I am welcoming this year with love in my heart, for this is the greatest year of my life, yet.

I am welcoming this year with high hopes for the realization of my dreams and the discovery of another dream to dream on.

I am welcoming this year with a positive attitude, bold spirit and commanding power that will lead me to the pedestal.

I am welcoming this year with the brightest vision, yet and with faith that I will get there.

I am welcoming this year getting closer to the person that I had never been all through these years…the person that I was dreaming for since then.

I am welcoming 2009 with a BLAST and with more explosion of happiness, satisfaction and good deeds as the year goes on.