Saturday, May 30, 2009

On Breaking a Heart...

I made this poem last April 29, 2009 around 8am for only about 10-15 minutes...i was just so emotional during that time that the words just flowed out of my pen relentlessly...

here's the poem...

How can I break his heart?!
He, whom I was waiting for all these times,
The one who showed me that love knows no boundaries
That love can make miracles
That it can sustain a relationship
Even if there’s no personal contact
Even if seas and plains are the gaps between us.

How can I stop a love story still unveiling?
The one that seems so perfect already,
A lover who loves me more than I love him,
A lover, so dedicated to have an eternity with me.

How can I say that I love him?
If I would just end it so soon,
How can I be worthy of someone’s affection,
If I can’t prove that I am deserving of the love the world is giving me.

I love him
But I don’t think it’s that strong
To keep me from losing hold of his grip.

I let go of a great love,
Of a great lover…
How then will I say to myself
That I am still deserving of another love…
Of another lover…
If in the long run…
I have within me, the higher tendency
Of letting go first…

I am so ashamed of myself,
I am so disappointed
That I had to let go
And be a source of pain
To someone so much dear to my heart
To him, who loves me so much
Who never did a thing against my will
Who never made me angry
Nor made me feel even just for a second
That I am not important to him.

How can I let go of him?
He, who has an unquestionable love for me,
Who has been my inspiration and my source of strength
He, who gave me hope for loving again,
He, who saved me from the agony of a broken heart.
He, who gave me the best love story, yet…
How can I be this stupid?!

If only I could control my heart
From the impulse of giving out my “Yes”
Then letting go so soon…
It would be better if I didn’t start it on the first place.
So, there would be no pain…
So, I would not have to hurt myself
And the one who is least deserving
Of a prick of pain --- him.

Ubz 04-29-09
Around 8:00 am…