I made this poem last April 29, 2009 around 8am for only about 10-15 minutes...i was just so emotional during that time that the words just flowed out of my pen relentlessly...
here's the poem...
How can I break his heart?!
He, whom I was waiting for all these times,
The one who showed me that love knows no boundaries
That love can make miracles
That it can sustain a relationship
Even if there’s no personal contact
Even if seas and plains are the gaps between us.
How can I stop a love story still unveiling?
The one that seems so perfect already,
A lover who loves me more than I love him,
A lover, so dedicated to have an eternity with me.
How can I say that I love him?
If I would just end it so soon,
How can I be worthy of someone’s affection,
If I can’t prove that I am deserving of the love the world is giving me.
I love him
But I don’t think it’s that strong
To keep me from losing hold of his grip.
I let go of a great love,
Of a great lover…
How then will I say to myself
That I am still deserving of another love…
Of another lover…
If in the long run…
I have within me, the higher tendency
Of letting go first…
I am so ashamed of myself,
I am so disappointed
That I had to let go
And be a source of pain
To someone so much dear to my heart
To him, who loves me so much
Who never did a thing against my will
Who never made me angry
Nor made me feel even just for a second
That I am not important to him.
How can I let go of him?
He, who has an unquestionable love for me,
Who has been my inspiration and my source of strength
He, who gave me hope for loving again,
He, who saved me from the agony of a broken heart.
He, who gave me the best love story, yet…
How can I be this stupid?!
If only I could control my heart
From the impulse of giving out my “Yes”
Then letting go so soon…
It would be better if I didn’t start it on the first place.
So, there would be no pain…
So, I would not have to hurt myself
And the one who is least deserving
Of a prick of pain --- him.
Ubz 04-29-09
Around 8:00 am…
Showing posts with label Poems on Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poems on Love. Show all posts
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Ode on Love
***Hello friends, I have another poem to share with you. I made this early this morning of February 11, 2009 and finished it just before lunch, moments after I woke up. As usual, I had fallen asleep that's why I failed to finish it earlier.
**I was sobbing while I made this poem, I really felt each word striking my heart every time I type it on my keyboard.
*This poem is, of course, dedicated to my one and only honey...I am so blessed of having him and I won't be tired of saying that every now and then...
Here is the poem:
As I sit and think of him
I just can’t help but cry
And cry harder
I can’t manage to stop the flow of tears
Raging down my eyes
Coming with a strong pour
And with a powerful pull
Of gravity
That causes the tears
To fall effortlessly
Out of my body
Exclaiming the intense
Emotional milestone
That I feel from within.
As I recollect his words
And compile them in my thoughts
As I rekindle the softness of his voice
Clinging into my ears
Telling me of how much he loves me
How much he cares and respects me…
As I recall all my heartaches before
All the fucking assholes
Who had hurt and left me
In the solace of the night.
As I rewind his words playing in my mind
Telling me of how important
I am in his life
And how thankful he is of having me
As I sense his voice again
With its mellow and sweet tone
Telling me that I am just his
And he is just mine
Proclaiming his future plans for both of us
Sharing his life experiences
And how he loves to be with me
And see eternity in each other’s eyes.
As I think of all the tears I’ve shed
For people so undeserving
Of every tear drop on my eyes
As I remember all the pains I’ve endured
For the wrong person
For the wrong cause
And the wrong battle…
Oh how I wish I had saved every tear
That I’d lose for them
And shed it all
For him, instead
But not as tears of pain
Not as tears coming
From a damaged heart
And a wrecked soul
But more so,
As tears of joy
As tears of being so thankful
As tears coming from
The depth of my joyful heart
And ecstatic spirit.
Then,
My tears would have not cried
That I cried them out of my eyes
That soon…
And just for an unworthy cause.
If only,
Each of my tear drops has its voice
To tell me when to release it
And when not to
Then,
I won’t have a single precious tear
Wasted.
There are lots of things
I am thankful for
I thank the internet
For it links us together
I thank friendster
For without it
I might not have him now
I thank the cell phones
For it connects us all the time
I thank the modern world
For it made the impossible possible
And finally,
I thank God
For giving me the love of my life
The moment where I least expect it
And the time when I needed it the most.
Love really moves
In mysterious ways
And I am so blessed
That someone solved the mystery
And lead him towards finding me.
But we know that
There are still a lot of mysteries of love
Yet to unfold
More mysteries that could test
The strength of our love for each other
More trials that could
Make or break our hopes and dreams
For one another.
Now that we have each other.
We, as lovers
Who vowed for a love
To live to infinity
Will always stick by our promise
To protect our relationship
And tread on the treacherous trails
Of lovers
With our guns and bullets
To kill temptations before
They even reach
The proximity towards us.
We are fully geared to enter
On the open battlefield
Of a loving relationship
With fidelity as our armor
Trust as our the bullet
Respect as our gun
And love as the grenade
That could annihilate
All the villains
Tempting to threaten and destroy
The solidity of our vows
And the power of our love.
We, as partners
Will totally be invincible.
And they can’t change that.
Even with their strongest shot.
They can shoot,
But they’ll just miss their target
They can strike,
But they’ll just waste their effort
And they can try,
But they’ll just be forever trying.
We both love each other
And with our love
We can see both sides of the rainbow
And enjoy the feel of it
Every after rainfall.
We both love each other
And with our love
We can see both ends of the tunnel
And thus,
We can feel the darkness for sometime
Yet, together we can find our way out
And see our light once again.
We both love each other
And with our love,
We can have the best of both worlds
The world of loving someone
And the world of being loved.
Indeed,
It never fails---
To love and be loved in return
Are just the two best exaltations of living.
Force it and it’ll break
Find it and it’ll hide
Chase it,
And the more it’ll evade from your grasp.
But, just sit and don't even think of it
And it’ll come and change your life.
Be patient
Have faith
Don’t lock yourself away
Open your arms for an embrace
Free yourself from the chains of your bitter past
Whatever might come along your way,
Just don’t stop the fire of love burning
From within
In time,
You’ll have what you deserve
Just don’t give up on love,
And it will not give up on you.
**I was sobbing while I made this poem, I really felt each word striking my heart every time I type it on my keyboard.
*This poem is, of course, dedicated to my one and only honey...I am so blessed of having him and I won't be tired of saying that every now and then...
Here is the poem:
As I sit and think of him
I just can’t help but cry
And cry harder
I can’t manage to stop the flow of tears
Raging down my eyes
Coming with a strong pour
And with a powerful pull
Of gravity
That causes the tears
To fall effortlessly
Out of my body
Exclaiming the intense
Emotional milestone
That I feel from within.
As I recollect his words
And compile them in my thoughts
As I rekindle the softness of his voice
Clinging into my ears
Telling me of how much he loves me
How much he cares and respects me…
As I recall all my heartaches before
All the fucking assholes
Who had hurt and left me
In the solace of the night.
As I rewind his words playing in my mind
Telling me of how important
I am in his life
And how thankful he is of having me
As I sense his voice again
With its mellow and sweet tone
Telling me that I am just his
And he is just mine
Proclaiming his future plans for both of us
Sharing his life experiences
And how he loves to be with me
And see eternity in each other’s eyes.
As I think of all the tears I’ve shed
For people so undeserving
Of every tear drop on my eyes
As I remember all the pains I’ve endured
For the wrong person
For the wrong cause
And the wrong battle…
Oh how I wish I had saved every tear
That I’d lose for them
And shed it all
For him, instead
But not as tears of pain
Not as tears coming
From a damaged heart
And a wrecked soul
But more so,
As tears of joy
As tears of being so thankful
As tears coming from
The depth of my joyful heart
And ecstatic spirit.
Then,
My tears would have not cried
That I cried them out of my eyes
That soon…
And just for an unworthy cause.
If only,
Each of my tear drops has its voice
To tell me when to release it
And when not to
Then,
I won’t have a single precious tear
Wasted.
There are lots of things
I am thankful for
I thank the internet
For it links us together
I thank friendster
For without it
I might not have him now
I thank the cell phones
For it connects us all the time
I thank the modern world
For it made the impossible possible
And finally,
I thank God
For giving me the love of my life
The moment where I least expect it
And the time when I needed it the most.
Love really moves
In mysterious ways
And I am so blessed
That someone solved the mystery
And lead him towards finding me.
But we know that
There are still a lot of mysteries of love
Yet to unfold
More mysteries that could test
The strength of our love for each other
More trials that could
Make or break our hopes and dreams
For one another.
Now that we have each other.
We, as lovers
Who vowed for a love
To live to infinity
Will always stick by our promise
To protect our relationship
And tread on the treacherous trails
Of lovers
With our guns and bullets
To kill temptations before
They even reach
The proximity towards us.
We are fully geared to enter
On the open battlefield
Of a loving relationship
With fidelity as our armor
Trust as our the bullet
Respect as our gun
And love as the grenade
That could annihilate
All the villains
Tempting to threaten and destroy
The solidity of our vows
And the power of our love.
We, as partners
Will totally be invincible.
And they can’t change that.
Even with their strongest shot.
They can shoot,
But they’ll just miss their target
They can strike,
But they’ll just waste their effort
And they can try,
But they’ll just be forever trying.
We both love each other
And with our love
We can see both sides of the rainbow
And enjoy the feel of it
Every after rainfall.
We both love each other
And with our love
We can see both ends of the tunnel
And thus,
We can feel the darkness for sometime
Yet, together we can find our way out
And see our light once again.
We both love each other
And with our love,
We can have the best of both worlds
The world of loving someone
And the world of being loved.
Indeed,
It never fails---
To love and be loved in return
Are just the two best exaltations of living.
Force it and it’ll break
Find it and it’ll hide
Chase it,
And the more it’ll evade from your grasp.
But, just sit and don't even think of it
And it’ll come and change your life.
Be patient
Have faith
Don’t lock yourself away
Open your arms for an embrace
Free yourself from the chains of your bitter past
Whatever might come along your way,
Just don’t stop the fire of love burning
From within
In time,
You’ll have what you deserve
Just don’t give up on love,
And it will not give up on you.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sweet February
***Hi my friends, I am here once again with another poem. I started this at around 10 in the evening yesterday, February 8, 2009. However, I didn't finish it, since the person responsible for this poem called me up and so we talked until 3 in the morning. Then, I continued on writing this, but again I failed to end it since I had fallen asleep moments after...hehe...I finished this poem when I woke up at around 1pm.
**This is dedicated to my honey...and I wanna share it with all of you, as well.
“Not too fast”
--- I say
To anyone
Asking me
Of my hands,
Of my sweet YES
To the question
That I’ve been
Waiting for
Since the day
I’ve finally
Realized
That my world
With my EX was already
Doomed!
Sitting alone
In the corner of my
Ever-depressive room
My mind travels
From Peru to Cebu
Thinking hard
Feeling it deeply
Within the depth
Of my hypothalamus
Afraid to take a risk
Hesitant to give it a try
Then, just be left again
With nothing
But a broken heart
And a shattered soul.
But then,
The surge of adrenaline
Free-flowing within me
Sustained the momentum
And paved the way for me to give in
Exposing myself
To what seems to be another threat
To my freshly recovered
Injured heart.
Moments after
The idea of pain
And the feel of it
Gently faded into the background
The love hormones are back again
Feeding each cell of my body
With a positive and ecstatic sensation
Nurturing every aspect
Of my heart and brain
With hormones responsible
For the cardinal symptoms
Of being in love...
Norepinephrine, Dopamine
And phenylethylamine
Are once again
Leading the platoon
Of the Love Company.
Commanding the rest of the team
To follow as they order
And just do as they say.
Fibrillating heart
Sweaty palms
Raccoon eyes
Tunnel vision
Preoccupation
Lesser concentration
Daydreaming
Brighter aura
Blooming face
And skip of the spirit
All these and more
Are once again
Rocking my existence.
Then thoughts
Of seizing opportunity
Preoccupied my mind
As well as the idea
That this might be it
So why not take a chance?
Why let this golden time
Just pass by and then be forgotten?
It is February 8
The day is perfect
According to Feng Shui
Eight is a number of spontaneity
And an insignia of eternity.
Perfect for a special occasion
For the day of giving my YES
To that magic question
I am dying to hear from a lover
Turned out to be my love, as well.
For the blessings
From above
I asked again for a sign
Whether to go with this or not?
To give it a try or just let it slip away?
As usual I was hesitant to ask for it at first
Afraid that what might come out will be
The sign that I’m not expecting for.
But still, I went on it
Fortunately,
Signs were on my way this time.
An obvious indication
That I am at my peak
Of taking a risk again
Of letting the power of love
Just take care of the flow
And just give myself wholly to it
Then, be happy
In being surrounded
With an atmosphere
Filled with affection
With powerful energy
That lifts my feet off the ground
And with air
That enfolds me with the warmth of love
During this cold gentle wind of February.
He came as a surprise
In this February night
Caught me off guard with his voice
His looks, his words, his sincerity
That is so deep-rooted at the core of his soul.
I can feel the wind blowing his sweet kisses
As I close my eyes.
I can hear the cicadas at night
Singing the symphony of his love.
I can feel his presence all around me
Though we’re oceans and hills apart from each other.
He is my Valentine, my Love, my Honey…
And I’m so blessed of having him in my life.
Finally, I can say…
My restless heart settled down in him.
Alas! I’m loved and in love again.
**This is dedicated to my honey...and I wanna share it with all of you, as well.
“Not too fast”
--- I say
To anyone
Asking me
Of my hands,
Of my sweet YES
To the question
That I’ve been
Waiting for
Since the day
I’ve finally
Realized
That my world
With my EX was already
Doomed!
Sitting alone
In the corner of my
Ever-depressive room
My mind travels
From Peru to Cebu
Thinking hard
Feeling it deeply
Within the depth
Of my hypothalamus
Afraid to take a risk
Hesitant to give it a try
Then, just be left again
With nothing
But a broken heart
And a shattered soul.
But then,
The surge of adrenaline
Free-flowing within me
Sustained the momentum
And paved the way for me to give in
Exposing myself
To what seems to be another threat
To my freshly recovered
Injured heart.
Moments after
The idea of pain
And the feel of it
Gently faded into the background
The love hormones are back again
Feeding each cell of my body
With a positive and ecstatic sensation
Nurturing every aspect
Of my heart and brain
With hormones responsible
For the cardinal symptoms
Of being in love...
Norepinephrine, Dopamine
And phenylethylamine
Are once again
Leading the platoon
Of the Love Company.
Commanding the rest of the team
To follow as they order
And just do as they say.
Fibrillating heart
Sweaty palms
Raccoon eyes
Tunnel vision
Preoccupation
Lesser concentration
Daydreaming
Brighter aura
Blooming face
And skip of the spirit
All these and more
Are once again
Rocking my existence.
Then thoughts
Of seizing opportunity
Preoccupied my mind
As well as the idea
That this might be it
So why not take a chance?
Why let this golden time
Just pass by and then be forgotten?
It is February 8
The day is perfect
According to Feng Shui
Eight is a number of spontaneity
And an insignia of eternity.
Perfect for a special occasion
For the day of giving my YES
To that magic question
I am dying to hear from a lover
Turned out to be my love, as well.
For the blessings
From above
I asked again for a sign
Whether to go with this or not?
To give it a try or just let it slip away?
As usual I was hesitant to ask for it at first
Afraid that what might come out will be
The sign that I’m not expecting for.
But still, I went on it
Fortunately,
Signs were on my way this time.
An obvious indication
That I am at my peak
Of taking a risk again
Of letting the power of love
Just take care of the flow
And just give myself wholly to it
Then, be happy
In being surrounded
With an atmosphere
Filled with affection
With powerful energy
That lifts my feet off the ground
And with air
That enfolds me with the warmth of love
During this cold gentle wind of February.
He came as a surprise
In this February night
Caught me off guard with his voice
His looks, his words, his sincerity
That is so deep-rooted at the core of his soul.
I can feel the wind blowing his sweet kisses
As I close my eyes.
I can hear the cicadas at night
Singing the symphony of his love.
I can feel his presence all around me
Though we’re oceans and hills apart from each other.
He is my Valentine, my Love, my Honey…
And I’m so blessed of having him in my life.
Finally, I can say…
My restless heart settled down in him.
Alas! I’m loved and in love again.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
The Art of Moving On
***I did not expect that I could make a 4th poem out of the same person..and on the 4th day straight...This is the first time ever.
**What happened? When I opened my G4M account and checked on his profile..I saw that the "I AM TAKEN" words at the top of his page are already gone. So that was it...My wake-up call. I cried the moment I saw that, and so this poem came into existence.
*I wrote this poem just this 7 in the evening of January 31, 2009...Before the Love Month...At least, I am positive that my February and so on will be better.
Here is my 4th Poem for him:
Finally,
Reality struck my mind
Pierced my heart and
Left it bleeding relentlessly
Until at last all the love blood
Flowing through my veins
Have come out of me
And evaporated with the air
Where it should belong…
Where it should have settled in
A long, long time ago…
Just gone and hopefully forgotten.
For the past few days
All I did was cry
Hope, reminisce and cry again.
My eyes grew baggy and stressed
Yet my tears never gave up to flow.
Then, just before January ends
The biggest sign that I’ve been waiting for
Came in before my very eyes
What more can I ask now
For me to accept the fact that it’s all over
When will I ever move on?
To anybody who has been in love
You can empathize with me
If I had become so stupid lately
If I allowed myself to be treated like a doormat
And if I’ve been such a fool
As to consciously keeping my self blind
For the things which are blatantly
Showing on my face.
This time the universe had spoken
And it’s just me who hasn’t given my consent
My approval to disengage myself from the bondage
That has been enclosing me in sorrow
That has been confining me in strict isolation
And just leaving me in the dark companionship
Of the nightmares of his memories.
My stars are now in line with the universe
The moon which has been staying with me for sometime
Had finally gone tired of stalking me
Now, the sun is starting to traverse the horizon
Going towards the peak of my gloomy sky
Then, hopefully illuminating it with its beams
And totally transforming my dismal atmosphere
Into an ambiance fit for a new start…
Of a new beginning.
Hopefully, this is it
Hopefully, I am at the point of no return
A new day has come already.
Yet, the threat of turning back
Is something which I can’t underestimate
I may be on the track of reviving myself
Of starting anew
But, the reality of a love which has left a deep mark
On my heart and soul
Remains dormant within me
A little stimulus might come along the way
And if I am not strong enough to fight against it
Then, I’ll fall over and...
...over again to the same trap.
I can not take a single step forward towards a new ground
If the other part of me is still holding on from its comfort zone
From such position which has been a part of me for some time
Yet sad to say can just stagnate me from rising
And will just keep me hiding from the shadows of someone
Who doesn’t even care a bit about the boundless love that I can give.
I might have been stranded to the thought
That being with him and having him in my life
Is just the best feeling in the world
But, now I must shift my thinking
Towards the trusted classic reality
That the best feeling in the world
Is realizing that you are happy
Without the person
You thought you needed the most.
I had more than enough share of rejection from him
I had enough signs from the heavens
I had felt the strong blows of reality on my face
I had been there; I had done that
I had prayed so hard and hoped unceasingly
I had asked him for a bargain
I had offered him to change myself for him
And I had begged him on bended knees
Just to come back and be with me again.
I feel that I am so worthless now
That my dignity has been eaten out by stray dogs
And my pride had been so depressed
That I have nothing left even for self-respect.
So now, so long for the old days
I had done my part in this game of love
It’s high time to just sit and relax again
And just be open with what might come along
I had shed off enough tears already
For now, I have to regain what I’ve lost
And bring back what has been altered
On my momentary fall at the chasm
Of his muddy affection.
I’ve learned a vital lesson
In my sojourn towards his heart
That in this battle,
If the other person left you already
Just don’t expect that he’ll come back
And die with you
For at that point of time
He has found another battle to begin
Which sad to say, doesn’t include you anymore.
So, just get up and save yourself
And please, just mind your own business
I won’t tell that it’s his loss, not yours
Because that’s an unsolicited remark already
It’s an autopilot thought of anyone being rejected.
Instead, I want to believe
That this makes more sense
In this ever complicated world of love and dating
The golden rule never fails in the quest of moving on
That when it's over; Then, it's over.
It might be easier said than done.
But, it's simply the way to go.
When the love has grown cold
You can't do anything to make it warm again
Some things are best left the way it turned out to.
So spare yourself a piece of self-respect
Let bygones, be bygones...
Move on
Let it go
And please....
Just don't push it.
**What happened? When I opened my G4M account and checked on his profile..I saw that the "I AM TAKEN" words at the top of his page are already gone. So that was it...My wake-up call. I cried the moment I saw that, and so this poem came into existence.
*I wrote this poem just this 7 in the evening of January 31, 2009...Before the Love Month...At least, I am positive that my February and so on will be better.
Here is my 4th Poem for him:
Finally,
Reality struck my mind
Pierced my heart and
Left it bleeding relentlessly
Until at last all the love blood
Flowing through my veins
Have come out of me
And evaporated with the air
Where it should belong…
Where it should have settled in
A long, long time ago…
Just gone and hopefully forgotten.
For the past few days
All I did was cry
Hope, reminisce and cry again.
My eyes grew baggy and stressed
Yet my tears never gave up to flow.
Then, just before January ends
The biggest sign that I’ve been waiting for
Came in before my very eyes
What more can I ask now
For me to accept the fact that it’s all over
When will I ever move on?
To anybody who has been in love
You can empathize with me
If I had become so stupid lately
If I allowed myself to be treated like a doormat
And if I’ve been such a fool
As to consciously keeping my self blind
For the things which are blatantly
Showing on my face.
This time the universe had spoken
And it’s just me who hasn’t given my consent
My approval to disengage myself from the bondage
That has been enclosing me in sorrow
That has been confining me in strict isolation
And just leaving me in the dark companionship
Of the nightmares of his memories.
My stars are now in line with the universe
The moon which has been staying with me for sometime
Had finally gone tired of stalking me
Now, the sun is starting to traverse the horizon
Going towards the peak of my gloomy sky
Then, hopefully illuminating it with its beams
And totally transforming my dismal atmosphere
Into an ambiance fit for a new start…
Of a new beginning.
Hopefully, this is it
Hopefully, I am at the point of no return
A new day has come already.
Yet, the threat of turning back
Is something which I can’t underestimate
I may be on the track of reviving myself
Of starting anew
But, the reality of a love which has left a deep mark
On my heart and soul
Remains dormant within me
A little stimulus might come along the way
And if I am not strong enough to fight against it
Then, I’ll fall over and...
...over again to the same trap.
I can not take a single step forward towards a new ground
If the other part of me is still holding on from its comfort zone
From such position which has been a part of me for some time
Yet sad to say can just stagnate me from rising
And will just keep me hiding from the shadows of someone
Who doesn’t even care a bit about the boundless love that I can give.
I might have been stranded to the thought
That being with him and having him in my life
Is just the best feeling in the world
But, now I must shift my thinking
Towards the trusted classic reality
That the best feeling in the world
Is realizing that you are happy
Without the person
You thought you needed the most.
I had more than enough share of rejection from him
I had enough signs from the heavens
I had felt the strong blows of reality on my face
I had been there; I had done that
I had prayed so hard and hoped unceasingly
I had asked him for a bargain
I had offered him to change myself for him
And I had begged him on bended knees
Just to come back and be with me again.
I feel that I am so worthless now
That my dignity has been eaten out by stray dogs
And my pride had been so depressed
That I have nothing left even for self-respect.
So now, so long for the old days
I had done my part in this game of love
It’s high time to just sit and relax again
And just be open with what might come along
I had shed off enough tears already
For now, I have to regain what I’ve lost
And bring back what has been altered
On my momentary fall at the chasm
Of his muddy affection.
I’ve learned a vital lesson
In my sojourn towards his heart
That in this battle,
If the other person left you already
Just don’t expect that he’ll come back
And die with you
For at that point of time
He has found another battle to begin
Which sad to say, doesn’t include you anymore.
So, just get up and save yourself
And please, just mind your own business
I won’t tell that it’s his loss, not yours
Because that’s an unsolicited remark already
It’s an autopilot thought of anyone being rejected.
Instead, I want to believe
That this makes more sense
In this ever complicated world of love and dating
The golden rule never fails in the quest of moving on
That when it's over; Then, it's over.
It might be easier said than done.
But, it's simply the way to go.
When the love has grown cold
You can't do anything to make it warm again
Some things are best left the way it turned out to.
So spare yourself a piece of self-respect
Let bygones, be bygones...
Move on
Let it go
And please....
Just don't push it.
Friday, January 30, 2009
P.S. Love Me Again
***Once again, this poem is kind of a sequel of my two previous poems just posted two days ago...This is the third part...It's sort of a trilogy...LOL...but i didn't mean it...MAybe, since last Jan. 28, I was really depressed (and until now) that's why I was able to make these said poems...hahaiz...
**Just like Signs from Heaven and Confessions of a LOVE ADDICT, I wrote this poem early in the morning. I started to write this at around 4:00 am of January 30, 2009.
If only I knew what he wants in a partner,
Then, I would had changed for him
To fit his desires; to meet his standards
I am willing to change my identity for him
I am willing to forget what I am now
I am willing to change my looks,
To trim down my weight
To shed off excess fats
And possess those six hard packs on my abs
I will talk more and laugh more
I will lower down my voice
If that’s what he wants
I will be stiffer
I will be tougher for him
I won’t be strict
I won’t text him every now and then
I won’t demand so much
And I won’t be so dramatic.
I will learn how to sing like a pro
I will study music
Though I love literature, foods and fashion more
I will enjoy watching choir competitions
Though I find it more enjoying
To watch dance show downs and the like.
And since he's into finance,
I will love numbers and problem solving
No matter how much I hate it since grade school.
I will not intrude so much in his life
I will not be a nuisance during his practice
I will not choke him with my claims
I will not comment so much in friendster
And I will not ask him to delete his g4m account
Nor change his YM ID.
I will love black
No matter how much I love purple
I will love the EMO style
Even if I am more classy and casual in fashion
I will use black Gatsby wax
Instead of the purple...
...Master wax.
I will live each day the way he wants me to be
No matter how contradictory it will be
On how I would want to live my life
And on what my heart truly desires.
But, how will I know the things that he wants?
How will I change myself to please him?
He didn’t even leave a single word for me
Before he left and kept me wondering
Is this part of his big plan to surprise me this V-Day?
Or am I just so assuming
That I will just be disappointed again?
Nonetheless, I want him to know
That I’m still waiting for his return
That I’m still hoping that we can bring back what we’ve had
And enjoy each other’s company once again.
I hope and pray
That he’ll gain the courage to say
Whatever it is that bothers him this time
Whatever it is that holds him from coming back to me
And whatever it is that keeps him distant from my loving embrace.
No matter how painful it will be
It won’t be a factor for me already
I have endured so much pain through his silence
It made my tolerance for it higher than ever.
Once again I am begging for his words
That I may know what should I do
Or at least he can just spare me a piece of his time
And just simply tell me what went wrong,
That I may correct it
I can not change a thing from me
If on the first place
I do not know what it is
That he wants me to change.
I am asking him
To please never underestimate
The things that I can do
To prove how worthy I am of his love
And to prove how much I love him.
I want him to know that…
I’ll say goodbye to my old self
To have a new identity with him.
If that’s what it takes for him to come back
For him to kiss me, hug me, comfort me
And love me again.®
**Just like Signs from Heaven and Confessions of a LOVE ADDICT, I wrote this poem early in the morning. I started to write this at around 4:00 am of January 30, 2009.
If only I knew what he wants in a partner,
Then, I would had changed for him
To fit his desires; to meet his standards
I am willing to change my identity for him
I am willing to forget what I am now
I am willing to change my looks,
To trim down my weight
To shed off excess fats
And possess those six hard packs on my abs
I will talk more and laugh more
I will lower down my voice
If that’s what he wants
I will be stiffer
I will be tougher for him
I won’t be strict
I won’t text him every now and then
I won’t demand so much
And I won’t be so dramatic.
I will learn how to sing like a pro
I will study music
Though I love literature, foods and fashion more
I will enjoy watching choir competitions
Though I find it more enjoying
To watch dance show downs and the like.
And since he's into finance,
I will love numbers and problem solving
No matter how much I hate it since grade school.
I will not intrude so much in his life
I will not be a nuisance during his practice
I will not choke him with my claims
I will not comment so much in friendster
And I will not ask him to delete his g4m account
Nor change his YM ID.
I will love black
No matter how much I love purple
I will love the EMO style
Even if I am more classy and casual in fashion
I will use black Gatsby wax
Instead of the purple...
...Master wax.
I will live each day the way he wants me to be
No matter how contradictory it will be
On how I would want to live my life
And on what my heart truly desires.
But, how will I know the things that he wants?
How will I change myself to please him?
He didn’t even leave a single word for me
Before he left and kept me wondering
Is this part of his big plan to surprise me this V-Day?
Or am I just so assuming
That I will just be disappointed again?
Nonetheless, I want him to know
That I’m still waiting for his return
That I’m still hoping that we can bring back what we’ve had
And enjoy each other’s company once again.
I hope and pray
That he’ll gain the courage to say
Whatever it is that bothers him this time
Whatever it is that holds him from coming back to me
And whatever it is that keeps him distant from my loving embrace.
No matter how painful it will be
It won’t be a factor for me already
I have endured so much pain through his silence
It made my tolerance for it higher than ever.
Once again I am begging for his words
That I may know what should I do
Or at least he can just spare me a piece of his time
And just simply tell me what went wrong,
That I may correct it
I can not change a thing from me
If on the first place
I do not know what it is
That he wants me to change.
I am asking him
To please never underestimate
The things that I can do
To prove how worthy I am of his love
And to prove how much I love him.
I want him to know that…
I’ll say goodbye to my old self
To have a new identity with him.
If that’s what it takes for him to come back
For him to kiss me, hug me, comfort me
And love me again.®
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Confessions of a LOVE ADDICT
***I wrote this poem just today, January 29, 2009. I started to write this at around 3:45 in the morning but I had fallen asleep. So, I continued writing it when I woke up at around 2:30 in the afternoon...hehehe...
**This is somewhat a sequel of my poem, "SIGNS from HEAVEN."
A new day has not come, yet
My pains still run at my system
My eyes which are normally vibrant
Full of life and spark
Seem to just drown
From bitter tears of a broken dream
Of a broken tomorrow
With the man that I love.
How I don’t want
To continue on writing my heart out
The pain is just so unbearable
The longer I expose myself from it,
The more I feel its presence killing me.
But, I just can’t help
And write what I want him to know
What I want the world to remember
That for some time,
I’ve found the man of my dreams
Experienced being with him
Had a taste of his kiss, his tongue…
His everything…
Then, wham!
Suddenly, he was gone.
I am still in shock this time
I am still skeptical about what happened
How could he leave me this soon?
How unconscionable he is by that
I want to curse him
That he may feel what he did to me
But, since I’m still under his spell
I just can’t do such thing
As the cliché goes,
I would be much willing
To endure his pain
Just so he can’t feel the agony of it.
I love him
But what can I do
He’s not just into me already
I just seem to be
Invisible from his sight
To be so insignificant
To be simply nonexistent
I somehow wish
Even just to be one of his possessions
So he can always notice me
Even without any effort at all.
Just yesterday
I’ve been to the place
Where we’ve met
And no matter how I try
To expose myself from the stimuli of my pain
No matter how I try to be used to it
I can say my pains are still fresh this time
That exposing myself to something…
To some place, sound, act or anything
That reminds me of him
The wound just gets deeper
The pains become more intolerable.
It would be better to avoid those things
But, they’re just around me
Almost everything that surrounds me
Reminds me of him
That’s why
Never a second since the...
...time he left
That he wasn’t a part of my thought
For each second that I breathe
Each tick of the clock
Every thump of my brain
And pound of my heart.
At every angle of my ear,
Voices just seem to whisper his name
At every gaze of my eyes
All I see are images of him
Oh how preoccupied I am with his memories
Every move that I make,
I just can feel the blow of the wind
Carrying the kisses he once gave me
I just can smell the scent of his hair..
His sweat and his body
Playing at the corners of my nose
Oh how I wish I could get over him
Like the way he forgot about me
So swiftly…So instantly.
Every time I remember his face
There comes a sudden stab of knife
In my heart, then all over my body
As if I am being massacred
Just by thinking about him.
Then, I begin to bleed horrendously
There comes the halo on my vision
Then, I start to see things revolving so fast
That it makes me sick
It makes me want to vomit
The poison that is brought about by him
All I want this time is to get rid of everything
That is in touch with him
How I want to forget the time that I’ve known him
The time he sent me a message at friendster
The time we decided to be couples
The time he visited me here at my place
The time he sang songs that sent tingles on my spine
How I am dying to just remove him in my life
But, I know it ain’t that easy this time
The more I try to consciously forget him
The more he’ll cover up my mind and heart
So before, I finally get insane
Before I ever think of ending my life
Let me just allow him to preoccupy my life
I would just surrender myself to him
Because I know that’s the way to go
I have been through this a lot of times before
And I can attest to its effectiveness
In time,
I’ll be tired of thinking about him
I’ll be tired of feeling the pain
I’ll be tired of crying.
Simply, in time
I’ll get over him totally.
And, he’ll just be a bitter
Or should I say
The bitterest part of my past.
But, then again
I want to thank him
For he made me in touch
With what seems to be
Just a fantasy of my past
He made me believe
That knight in the shining armor
Do exist in the modern times
That there’s still Prince Charming
That miracle does happen
Fairy tales do exist
And Mr. Dreamboy
Is just around the corner.
He will be a living testimony for me
That it is indeed possible
To be cared, caressed, longed for
And loved by someone that we love.
It was so evasive for me before
Then, he came
And swept me off my feet
Sad to say,
He lifted me up
But, later on
Pushed me away
Till I kissed the ground
With my body soaked in tears
Bathing in the bloody exhibition
Brought by my traumatized totality.
I love him
I really do.
But, with the pains that he caused me
I believe it wouldn’t be long enough
That I’ll be over him, as well.
My fingers are crossed.
Let’s just hope for the best.
But, one thing for sure
If he’ll come back to me
I will never hesitate
To embrace him
To enclose him in my love
And to forever supply him
With bottomless love
From the deepest part of me.
I love him…
Though it is a self-inflicted torture.
I love him…
Though he doesn’t even care
I love him…
Though he left me hanging in the air.
He’s my dream…
My future…
My life…
Simply, my everything..
But the question is:
Am I his? ®
**This is somewhat a sequel of my poem, "SIGNS from HEAVEN."
A new day has not come, yet
My pains still run at my system
My eyes which are normally vibrant
Full of life and spark
Seem to just drown
From bitter tears of a broken dream
Of a broken tomorrow
With the man that I love.
How I don’t want
To continue on writing my heart out
The pain is just so unbearable
The longer I expose myself from it,
The more I feel its presence killing me.
But, I just can’t help
And write what I want him to know
What I want the world to remember
That for some time,
I’ve found the man of my dreams
Experienced being with him
Had a taste of his kiss, his tongue…
His everything…
Then, wham!
Suddenly, he was gone.
I am still in shock this time
I am still skeptical about what happened
How could he leave me this soon?
How unconscionable he is by that
I want to curse him
That he may feel what he did to me
But, since I’m still under his spell
I just can’t do such thing
As the cliché goes,
I would be much willing
To endure his pain
Just so he can’t feel the agony of it.
I love him
But what can I do
He’s not just into me already
I just seem to be
Invisible from his sight
To be so insignificant
To be simply nonexistent
I somehow wish
Even just to be one of his possessions
So he can always notice me
Even without any effort at all.
Just yesterday
I’ve been to the place
Where we’ve met
And no matter how I try
To expose myself from the stimuli of my pain
No matter how I try to be used to it
I can say my pains are still fresh this time
That exposing myself to something…
To some place, sound, act or anything
That reminds me of him
The wound just gets deeper
The pains become more intolerable.
It would be better to avoid those things
But, they’re just around me
Almost everything that surrounds me
Reminds me of him
That’s why
Never a second since the...
...time he left
That he wasn’t a part of my thought
For each second that I breathe
Each tick of the clock
Every thump of my brain
And pound of my heart.
At every angle of my ear,
Voices just seem to whisper his name
At every gaze of my eyes
All I see are images of him
Oh how preoccupied I am with his memories
Every move that I make,
I just can feel the blow of the wind
Carrying the kisses he once gave me
I just can smell the scent of his hair..
His sweat and his body
Playing at the corners of my nose
Oh how I wish I could get over him
Like the way he forgot about me
So swiftly…So instantly.
Every time I remember his face
There comes a sudden stab of knife
In my heart, then all over my body
As if I am being massacred
Just by thinking about him.
Then, I begin to bleed horrendously
There comes the halo on my vision
Then, I start to see things revolving so fast
That it makes me sick
It makes me want to vomit
The poison that is brought about by him
All I want this time is to get rid of everything
That is in touch with him
How I want to forget the time that I’ve known him
The time he sent me a message at friendster
The time we decided to be couples
The time he visited me here at my place
The time he sang songs that sent tingles on my spine
How I am dying to just remove him in my life
But, I know it ain’t that easy this time
The more I try to consciously forget him
The more he’ll cover up my mind and heart
So before, I finally get insane
Before I ever think of ending my life
Let me just allow him to preoccupy my life
I would just surrender myself to him
Because I know that’s the way to go
I have been through this a lot of times before
And I can attest to its effectiveness
In time,
I’ll be tired of thinking about him
I’ll be tired of feeling the pain
I’ll be tired of crying.
Simply, in time
I’ll get over him totally.
And, he’ll just be a bitter
Or should I say
The bitterest part of my past.
But, then again
I want to thank him
For he made me in touch
With what seems to be
Just a fantasy of my past
He made me believe
That knight in the shining armor
Do exist in the modern times
That there’s still Prince Charming
That miracle does happen
Fairy tales do exist
And Mr. Dreamboy
Is just around the corner.
He will be a living testimony for me
That it is indeed possible
To be cared, caressed, longed for
And loved by someone that we love.
It was so evasive for me before
Then, he came
And swept me off my feet
Sad to say,
He lifted me up
But, later on
Pushed me away
Till I kissed the ground
With my body soaked in tears
Bathing in the bloody exhibition
Brought by my traumatized totality.
I love him
I really do.
But, with the pains that he caused me
I believe it wouldn’t be long enough
That I’ll be over him, as well.
My fingers are crossed.
Let’s just hope for the best.
But, one thing for sure
If he’ll come back to me
I will never hesitate
To embrace him
To enclose him in my love
And to forever supply him
With bottomless love
From the deepest part of me.
I love him…
Though it is a self-inflicted torture.
I love him…
Though he doesn’t even care
I love him…
Though he left me hanging in the air.
He’s my dream…
My future…
My life…
Simply, my everything..
But the question is:
Am I his? ®
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Signs from Heaven
***This poem is still fresh and hot from my heart...
I've just written this poem seconds ago (It is now 3:28 in the morning of January 28, 2009).
So, read it while it's hot!!!
The other day (Jan 26)
I asked God for a sign
An omen…
A reminder…
A wake-up call from heaven.
I asked Him
For something
That could serve as my light
So I could see things in its real form
And not just enclose my eyes into the image
That I am projecting into it.
For the past 10 days
I was living in full blast
I had the love of my life
The missing part of the broken puzzle of my heart
And my knight in shining armor
To sound more rhetorical about it.
I thought that that will be it
The moment that I’ve been waiting for
And the person that I’ve been dreaming of since then
All into one perfect package.
I thought that finally
I will be celebrating Valentine’s Day
For the first time in my life
With the person that I love
And who loves me, too in return.
I thought that on Feb. 14
Words will come out naturally in my mouth
Without a touch of hypocrisy
Without a tint of bitterness in my heart
As I say to anyone, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
(Well, we’ll see on that day.
Who knows what might happen tomorrow
Or the day before Feb. 14?)
As I planned to ask God for a sign
Fear rumbled into the...
...surface of my heart
Hesitancy came flooding into my brain
Weakness dwelt in my spirit
Though it was just so small
My desire to live in the real world
No matter how painful it will be
Caused me to go on
And so I asked God
For a sign.
A specific sign that was.
I was hurting already by that time
Just to think of the great possibility
That the sign will turn out towards something
That I don’t want to see
And that I don’t want to accept
No matter how obvious it will be
No matter how loud will the voices
Telling me to get out of the pit
And save myself from further pains.
The time of judgment came
Just this 12 in the evening
It was the deadline that I asked God
The end time for Him of showing me the sign
That I asked for the other day.
As the time came closer to its end
Hope still lived within me
And as I sensed that signs aren’t turning
Out the way that I want to
I begun to asphyxiate
And to feel more pain
At the middle of my chest.
Finally, the time arrived.
I had the sign.
And it was in full force
Of being so obvious.
Sad to say…
I can’t even say the words now
I can’t even face reality this time
How I wish I could just forget
Everything about him
Because now, I am in great pain
While thinking of what I had with him
Within those ten days.
It was just a short time for both of us
But those moments of my life
Are undeniably the best, yet
But now, those times
Are nothing but memories that kills me in pain.
Love had a decoy once again.
And now I’m paying the price
Of not being vigilant about it.
I am in great ache this time
My tears are running
Involuntarily on my face
My eyes are welling up
I want to shout out loud
I want to release the pain within me
I was almost at the point of bliss
Then, God took it away from me.
Oh how I want to hate God
But I can’t
I know He knows best
And I know I am just saying this
Because I am being misled
By the outstanding rating scale of my pain.
My eyes are now swollen
Masked with tears
Reddened with the overflowing love
Within my heart.
If you can just see me now
Then, you’ll understand
How broke I am.
I hate this feeling
I’ve just been through this
And now, I am struggling to move on once again
I guess that’s just it
It’ll always be a cycle.
How I wish,
There will come a time
That the cycle will stop
At the happiest time of my life
Like what I had just lost.
I miss him
The times that we’ve been together
Comprise all the happiest memories
I had ever had in my life.
It was simply the best feeling.
Sad to say that it lasted only for ten days.®
I've just written this poem seconds ago (It is now 3:28 in the morning of January 28, 2009).
So, read it while it's hot!!!
The other day (Jan 26)
I asked God for a sign
An omen…
A reminder…
A wake-up call from heaven.
I asked Him
For something
That could serve as my light
So I could see things in its real form
And not just enclose my eyes into the image
That I am projecting into it.
For the past 10 days
I was living in full blast
I had the love of my life
The missing part of the broken puzzle of my heart
And my knight in shining armor
To sound more rhetorical about it.
I thought that that will be it
The moment that I’ve been waiting for
And the person that I’ve been dreaming of since then
All into one perfect package.
I thought that finally
I will be celebrating Valentine’s Day
For the first time in my life
With the person that I love
And who loves me, too in return.
I thought that on Feb. 14
Words will come out naturally in my mouth
Without a touch of hypocrisy
Without a tint of bitterness in my heart
As I say to anyone, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
(Well, we’ll see on that day.
Who knows what might happen tomorrow
Or the day before Feb. 14?)
As I planned to ask God for a sign
Fear rumbled into the...
...surface of my heart
Hesitancy came flooding into my brain
Weakness dwelt in my spirit
Though it was just so small
My desire to live in the real world
No matter how painful it will be
Caused me to go on
And so I asked God
For a sign.
A specific sign that was.
I was hurting already by that time
Just to think of the great possibility
That the sign will turn out towards something
That I don’t want to see
And that I don’t want to accept
No matter how obvious it will be
No matter how loud will the voices
Telling me to get out of the pit
And save myself from further pains.
The time of judgment came
Just this 12 in the evening
It was the deadline that I asked God
The end time for Him of showing me the sign
That I asked for the other day.
As the time came closer to its end
Hope still lived within me
And as I sensed that signs aren’t turning
Out the way that I want to
I begun to asphyxiate
And to feel more pain
At the middle of my chest.
Finally, the time arrived.
I had the sign.
And it was in full force
Of being so obvious.
Sad to say…
I can’t even say the words now
I can’t even face reality this time
How I wish I could just forget
Everything about him
Because now, I am in great pain
While thinking of what I had with him
Within those ten days.
It was just a short time for both of us
But those moments of my life
Are undeniably the best, yet
But now, those times
Are nothing but memories that kills me in pain.
Love had a decoy once again.
And now I’m paying the price
Of not being vigilant about it.
I am in great ache this time
My tears are running
Involuntarily on my face
My eyes are welling up
I want to shout out loud
I want to release the pain within me
I was almost at the point of bliss
Then, God took it away from me.
Oh how I want to hate God
But I can’t
I know He knows best
And I know I am just saying this
Because I am being misled
By the outstanding rating scale of my pain.
My eyes are now swollen
Masked with tears
Reddened with the overflowing love
Within my heart.
If you can just see me now
Then, you’ll understand
How broke I am.
I hate this feeling
I’ve just been through this
And now, I am struggling to move on once again
I guess that’s just it
It’ll always be a cycle.
How I wish,
There will come a time
That the cycle will stop
At the happiest time of my life
Like what I had just lost.
I miss him
The times that we’ve been together
Comprise all the happiest memories
I had ever had in my life.
It was simply the best feeling.
Sad to say that it lasted only for ten days.®
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Morning MI
***This poem was sort of a sequel of my poem One Night Only.
I wrote this last October 10, 2008 at 6:45 in the morning, the very moment I woke-up in bed.
Last night
I cried myself to sleep
Hoping that today
My sadness
Will be swept away…
Today,
Indeed
I woke up
Without tears
In my pillow
Thinking that from now on
It will be a new beginning.
But moments after
Thoughts of you
Came rushing to my mind
Then,
I realized
I can’t escape
This loving feeling…
Flashbacks
Of that night
Started to...
...crush
My heart with heavy loads
A characteristic feeling
Of a sudden
MI attack
But sad to say
Morphine
Is of no help
This time
This is not
An emergency situation
That requires
STAT medications
This is more of
A viral infection
Where
The resolution
Of my symptoms
All lies in my power…
There is no remedy
For this pain
But to feel it
Until I get numb
I believe this
Is a chronic heart attack
Uniquely designed
To resolve without
Nursing nor
Medical interventions…
So today
I am giving myself
The pleasure
Of crying out loud
To unload the
Pain within my heart
I want to reminisce
All the memories
I had with you
Although it hurts
I will endure the pain
For
This is the only
Way I know
Of reuniting myself
With you
And I will do this
Everyday
Until I get used to it
And it becomes so familiar
So ordinary…
That there will come a time
That it’ll no longer
Ring a bell
Nor spark a light in my heart…
Everything
Has its process
Towards its
Total resolution
I can’t tell
As to how long
Or short it will be
But one thing for sure,
I am getting there. ®
I wrote this last October 10, 2008 at 6:45 in the morning, the very moment I woke-up in bed.
Last night
I cried myself to sleep
Hoping that today
My sadness
Will be swept away…
Today,
Indeed
I woke up
Without tears
In my pillow
Thinking that from now on
It will be a new beginning.
But moments after
Thoughts of you
Came rushing to my mind
Then,
I realized
I can’t escape
This loving feeling…
Flashbacks
Of that night
Started to...
...crush
My heart with heavy loads
A characteristic feeling
Of a sudden
MI attack
But sad to say
Morphine
Is of no help
This time
This is not
An emergency situation
That requires
STAT medications
This is more of
A viral infection
Where
The resolution
Of my symptoms
All lies in my power…
There is no remedy
For this pain
But to feel it
Until I get numb
I believe this
Is a chronic heart attack
Uniquely designed
To resolve without
Nursing nor
Medical interventions…
So today
I am giving myself
The pleasure
Of crying out loud
To unload the
Pain within my heart
I want to reminisce
All the memories
I had with you
Although it hurts
I will endure the pain
For
This is the only
Way I know
Of reuniting myself
With you
And I will do this
Everyday
Until I get used to it
And it becomes so familiar
So ordinary…
That there will come a time
That it’ll no longer
Ring a bell
Nor spark a light in my heart…
Everything
Has its process
Towards its
Total resolution
I can’t tell
As to how long
Or short it will be
But one thing for sure,
I am getting there. ®
SCHIZO
***Again, this is one of my collections of poems...hehe
Written 2 yrs ago...hehe
One morning
I woke-up in a predicament
Perplexed and desperate
In drawing the line between two extremes.
Questions began haunting me
As I tried to escape the mystery
To just remain still
And not be changed or be affected
By this sudden spark of uncertainty…
The pulse of the confusion
Kept on throbbing at the surface
My anxiety was heightened
‘Till I broke-up and surrendered.
I gave in to what I believed was true
Where out of my disturbed mentality
I became vulnerable, imperceptive and irrational,
To the point of assimilating fantasy to reality. ®
Written 2 yrs ago...hehe
One morning
I woke-up in a predicament
Perplexed and desperate
In drawing the line between two extremes.
Questions began haunting me
As I tried to escape the mystery
To just remain still
And not be changed or be affected
By this sudden spark of uncertainty…
The pulse of the confusion
Kept on throbbing at the surface
My anxiety was heightened
‘Till I broke-up and surrendered.
I gave in to what I believed was true
Where out of my disturbed mentality
I became vulnerable, imperceptive and irrational,
To the point of assimilating fantasy to reality. ®
CLICK
***I wrote this poem...hmmm
I think, two years ago...
and I just want to share it with you... ;-)
One click,
And I was drowning in love,
Struggling to lift my head
And take a sniff of air
My body loses control,
While it weakens every second,
As it tries to fight and move over
My energy just drifts away
‘Till the ocean took my body
And my body became one with the water...
Another click,
And I was revived,
From the abyss of a fake love
Left alone under shock
Skeptic with what had happened
And now desperate to return
To what had been a comfort zone
Yet the ocean has no need of me already
Where the chance of drowning myself to death
Would just be a waste of time. ®
I think, two years ago...
and I just want to share it with you... ;-)
One click,
And I was drowning in love,
Struggling to lift my head
And take a sniff of air
My body loses control,
While it weakens every second,
As it tries to fight and move over
My energy just drifts away
‘Till the ocean took my body
And my body became one with the water...
Another click,
And I was revived,
From the abyss of a fake love
Left alone under shock
Skeptic with what had happened
And now desperate to return
To what had been a comfort zone
Yet the ocean has no need of me already
Where the chance of drowning myself to death
Would just be a waste of time. ®
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Cafe Solitaire
T’was just a night
Ordinary, cold and gloomy
With emptiness in my heart
Slowly eating up my soul
Little by little
You preoccupied my mind
With sweet nothings of yesterday
That has become nothing.
Suddenly, the scent of coffee
Lingered around me
Aromatic as it was
I closed my eyes
Took a whiff
And you took me once again
Into a world filled with thoughts of you.
T’was like a magic carpet ride
Only that I was just on my own
And in every corner from the sky
All I see is you.
Right from there
How I wanted to open up my eyes
To be on my face again
And be enlightened by reality.
Yet, I so loved the feeling
Of being with you even in my thoughts
That I can’t afford to open up my eyes
And all I see is me.
October ‘08
Ordinary, cold and gloomy
With emptiness in my heart
Slowly eating up my soul
Little by little
You preoccupied my mind
With sweet nothings of yesterday
That has become nothing.
Suddenly, the scent of coffee
Lingered around me
Aromatic as it was
I closed my eyes
Took a whiff
And you took me once again
Into a world filled with thoughts of you.
T’was like a magic carpet ride
Only that I was just on my own
And in every corner from the sky
All I see is you.
Right from there
How I wanted to open up my eyes
To be on my face again
And be enlightened by reality.
Yet, I so loved the feeling
Of being with you even in my thoughts
That I can’t afford to open up my eyes
And all I see is me.
October ‘08
I hate myself for...
being so immunocompromised in love...
how I wish my cell-mediated immunity
could recognize the antigen that's slowly killing me...
that bull***t virus, bacteria, fungi, parasite or whatever you call that f*****g s**t --------
I call LOVE...
could someone be my vitamin
and revive my strength and passion...
then by saving me
maybe you can gain more meaning into your existence...
and realize what's your worth
and purpose...
but I’m not desperate
for your help...
I know I might be weak
but in time I’ll be fine...
I’m just immunocompromised...
and it's just self-limiting...
(I knw, medcally i shldn't inclde bactria and parasite in the list...heheh...y? figure it out..)
September ‘08
how I wish my cell-mediated immunity
could recognize the antigen that's slowly killing me...
that bull***t virus, bacteria, fungi, parasite or whatever you call that f*****g s**t --------
I call LOVE...
could someone be my vitamin
and revive my strength and passion...
then by saving me
maybe you can gain more meaning into your existence...
and realize what's your worth
and purpose...
but I’m not desperate
for your help...
I know I might be weak
but in time I’ll be fine...
I’m just immunocompromised...
and it's just self-limiting...
(I knw, medcally i shldn't inclde bactria and parasite in the list...heheh...y? figure it out..)
September ‘08
Monday, December 29, 2008
FREEMAN
I am a freeman once again
Out from the cell
That I so intentionally made
Enclosed myself wholeheartedly
With the thought that all I need is him
Sacrificed my own happiness
For the sake of pleasing him
I rejected a number of possible acquaintances
Took for granted all my indecent proposals
Lived each day being faithful to him
Evaded from any person or event
That could tempt me to unfaithfulness
Informed him almost every single detail
Of my whereabouts and the things that I do
Expected so much that by my sacrifice
My consistency with my actions
And the coherence of my words to my acts
He’ll see how much I value him
Expected even more that by my faithfulness
He will learn to see me in a new perspective
And hopefully learn to love me
The way I want to be loved
The way that I so undeniably deserve.
But now I am starting to see the light
That evasive spark of enlightenment
Which has long been hiding from my sight.
I am sick and tired of taking the pains
That I, alone inflict on myself
I don’t want another night and day
Of watching my face soaked with tears
I don’t want to feel that drowning feeling
Every time I get so anxious by what he’ll say or do
I know I must not blame him for what I feel now
On the first place he didn’t ask me to do what I did
It was my entire fault
I did everything under my freewill
All for the sake of showing how much I love him
And now I want to cry over spilled milk
But what for?
It’s of no use already
I had cried and had been so pathetic for him
Hoping that his heart will soften up a bit
And realize that I am not that difficult to love at all
But again, my acts were just like writings on a pond
At first, it can be noticed
But at a blink of an eye
It’s forgotten---it’s gone in the scene
As if nothing happened.
Then, the cycle continues.
But now, it will finally meet its ending.
I’ve learned a concrete lesson on this matter
That writings should be made
On the right material
Taking into consideration the external factors
That could make or break what I will write.
I am a freeman once again.
My heart is now relieved by the thorns of his bitterness
My mind is now unchained from the shadow of my expectations
But still, it isn’t synonymous to saying that I have moved on
Because at this moment, no matter how hard I try
To totally get rid of him in my life
No matter how much I evade from this loving feeling
I still cannot escape from the blow of reality
Thoughts of him will continue to haunt me
The more I push such thinking away
The more it will stay on my consciousness
Whether I like or not
I must live by the moment
And face what it has to offer
Among the forces that drive the world
It is but love that serves as the strongest
That’s why despite all my efforts to hate him
I cannot really deny the fact----
That my love for him still grows by the tick of time.
All I can do now is to erase my expectations
But to detach myself from him
And to ignore the fact that I am still waiting for his love
Is just tantamount to fooling myself of my words
Because I know from deep within
I am just free from my own prison cell
But the world at large that I am living now
Still includes him, if not totally a world of his own.®
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