***Once again, this poem is kind of a sequel of my two previous poems just posted two days ago...This is the third part...It's sort of a trilogy...LOL...but i didn't mean it...MAybe, since last Jan. 28, I was really depressed (and until now) that's why I was able to make these said poems...hahaiz...
**Just like Signs from Heaven and Confessions of a LOVE ADDICT, I wrote this poem early in the morning. I started to write this at around 4:00 am of January 30, 2009.
If only I knew what he wants in a partner,
Then, I would had changed for him
To fit his desires; to meet his standards
I am willing to change my identity for him
I am willing to forget what I am now
I am willing to change my looks,
To trim down my weight
To shed off excess fats
And possess those six hard packs on my abs
I will talk more and laugh more
I will lower down my voice
If that’s what he wants
I will be stiffer
I will be tougher for him
I won’t be strict
I won’t text him every now and then
I won’t demand so much
And I won’t be so dramatic.
I will learn how to sing like a pro
I will study music
Though I love literature, foods and fashion more
I will enjoy watching choir competitions
Though I find it more enjoying
To watch dance show downs and the like.
And since he's into finance,
I will love numbers and problem solving
No matter how much I hate it since grade school.
I will not intrude so much in his life
I will not be a nuisance during his practice
I will not choke him with my claims
I will not comment so much in friendster
And I will not ask him to delete his g4m account
Nor change his YM ID.
I will love black
No matter how much I love purple
I will love the EMO style
Even if I am more classy and casual in fashion
I will use black Gatsby wax
Instead of the purple...
...Master wax.
I will live each day the way he wants me to be
No matter how contradictory it will be
On how I would want to live my life
And on what my heart truly desires.
But, how will I know the things that he wants?
How will I change myself to please him?
He didn’t even leave a single word for me
Before he left and kept me wondering
Is this part of his big plan to surprise me this V-Day?
Or am I just so assuming
That I will just be disappointed again?
Nonetheless, I want him to know
That I’m still waiting for his return
That I’m still hoping that we can bring back what we’ve had
And enjoy each other’s company once again.
I hope and pray
That he’ll gain the courage to say
Whatever it is that bothers him this time
Whatever it is that holds him from coming back to me
And whatever it is that keeps him distant from my loving embrace.
No matter how painful it will be
It won’t be a factor for me already
I have endured so much pain through his silence
It made my tolerance for it higher than ever.
Once again I am begging for his words
That I may know what should I do
Or at least he can just spare me a piece of his time
And just simply tell me what went wrong,
That I may correct it
I can not change a thing from me
If on the first place
I do not know what it is
That he wants me to change.
I am asking him
To please never underestimate
The things that I can do
To prove how worthy I am of his love
And to prove how much I love him.
I want him to know that…
I’ll say goodbye to my old self
To have a new identity with him.
If that’s what it takes for him to come back
For him to kiss me, hug me, comfort me
And love me again.®
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