REALIZATIONS BROUGHT BY TWO DIFFERENT PACKS OF CRACKERS

10-11-10

It was 4 o’clock in the morning and I became somewhat groggy despite the fact that I literally spent my entire Sunday just sleeping. Not to mention that I also drunk a glass of coffee for my dinner at around 10 in the evening.

So there I was sipping my second cup of coffee, and of course with two packs of crackers to complete the combo. To be more specific, I have a pack of Sky Flakes FIT with Omega-3 and another pack of Honey House crackers. To cut the short story even shorter, I had a problem between which among of the two packs of crackers should I eat first?

The crucial point of making a decision really stirred my mind to think and think harder. Moreover, I should be thankful for it because the act of thinking itself has a synergistic effect with the caffeine from my coffee. True indeed, I am more awake now. Suddenly and unexpectedly, such brief interaction with my brain led me to realize two realities that also somewhat preoccupy my thoughts these past few days.

The first realization was that if I am going to eat first the pack of crackers that I don’t really like that much, then I could be more excited in eating the second pack of crackers that I really love later. Then, again this has something to do with gaining more excitement first or having a stepping stone or a prelude just before I will experience the thing that I am really aiming for --- the thing that I really love. This mentality is also the same with eating the cake first before savoring its sweet and tempting icing. As such, this has also something to do with impulse control.

The second realization was of course the opposite of the first. I also thought that if I were to eat first the pack of crackers that I don’t like that much compared to the one that I really love to eat immediately, then, maybe after consuming the former I will no longer have the same appetite to eat the latter. Of course, that would not bring justice to the pack that I really love to eat since on the first place it is my first choice, and again it is the one that I really love. On the other hand, if I am going to eat the Honey House first (my first choice), then I will no longer need to worry about the risk of not being able to taste the thing that I love the most just because I gave way to tasting first the pack of crackers that I like less.

The two realizations that I mentioned above are also the same thing that bothers me or even you and them during this time. These realizations also boil down from one problem, the predicament between pursuing to something that we really love instantaneously and in leaving such dream first in exchange for some things that we are not that inclined to.

But, of course in real life there are also some differences that can really affect our decision. The primary difference is that with my story, I already have the one that I love the most and all I have to do is to choose it. However, in real life it isn’t totally the same because for us to really achieve our primary goal, we should still work hard towards it. Also, another hindrance that keeps us from pursuing our dream are the sense of security that we have from something that we like less, the difficulties that we need to tread in order to reach our destination and still a lot more. Then, again the common hindrance is just ourselves and our lack of faith in what we can do and what we can do with Him.

So, in order to prevent from having a hanging ending, I chose to eat the Honey House first. Again, true indeed, after I ate it I no longer had enough appetite to consume the pack of Sky Flakes. Why did I choose to eat it first? It’s simple. In real life, we can’t have what we love the most immediately, so when I was given the opportunity to just choose between something that I love the most and something that I really don’t like; I just grabbed the chance of eating what I like the most and I was satisfied.

I really hope this is exactly the same in real life. We can hope, pray and dream; but at the end of the day, only the brave ones who are gutsier in taking chances can experience the beauty and promise of their dreams.

Moral of the story: Next time, I will keep my sight away from Sky Flakes and Honey House crackers so that I won’t have the same problem of complicating an easy task. And also, that I could not give the same problem to the persons that I tagged into this note. My apologies… hehe

On Writing for Money or for Pleasure

On Writing for Money or for Pleasure (09-15-10)

Raymond A. Umpa, Writer

I was always a writer as far as my years of experience is concerned; as far as the frisson of intense gratification every after quality article that I have done; as far as the vexation over moments where I seemed to be disembodied, lost and desperate to be back on track with my writing as whirlwind and recalcitrant fiasco just block my mind prohibiting any form of intellect, reason or thought to immigrate on it and fill it once again with the fuel to drive out words to be manifested through my writings.

I was always a writer as far as I can discern through every neural connection that transforms every idea into words is concerned; as far as the eerie shrieking of the cicadas that keeps me company each night where my drive to write always sparks a flicker of life; as far as my need for self-assertion and admiration from a world filled with silence for praising and applause; and where all I can hear is the crunching of a debilitated ladder intensified as I add weight and pressure on it as I force myself up while a part of the world is pulling me down.

I was always a writer despite the pros and cons; despite my acceptance of my failure to pursue towards a formal education on journalism brought by me preoccupation with practicality, with money, with a future that seems to be a tiny black dot on a blank white canvass even with a bespectacled sight.

I was always a writer despite of these all; but the zeitgeist somewhat concerns me now as to the real essence of why I am calling myself a writer. Before I can say I was a writer for pleasure, for self-approval, and for that sense of productivity, sophistication, edginess, intelligence and superiority that writing was providing me. I had never thought before of using my skills to generate money and sustain me with my needs. However, lately I had been blessed with opportunities that I had never imagined to happen.

Being thankful was my utmost state of mind and soul. Yet, as time went by, I sort of felt a feeling of dissatisfaction. A part of me was confused, while the other part of me was somewhat enlightened by the reality.

I was always a writer who writes for myself and for my readers; yet now with the opportunities that I grabbed, I turned out to be a writer who writes for money and for money alone. Or should I say, in a way I might be writing for my readers, as well? But, despite this big possibility I can still feel from within that I am writing for nothing or for no one simply because I am forced to write for things under the sun that are not really of my interest. Simply because, I myself isn’t pleased or left on awe with what comes out to be from each letter that I typed in on my keyboard. Yet, on the other hand, I need to write about those things because those topics are of high interest to the readers; those topics are the ones that will give me big revenue. Yes, it’s all about the money now.

I paused and thought about all of these conundrums; I realized that sometimes you need to adapt to the world in order for you to get the most out of it; sometimes it shouldn’t always be about yourself. Life isn’t about you every time. Besides, what happens to the saying, “no man is an island”? In a way, I should still be grateful of all these chances; it isn’t really true that it’s all just about the money this time. How could I say that I am writing just for that purpose when a part of the million people out there, my words ring a bell, touch lives, informs, entertains, comforts and educates them?

At the end of the day, I really don’t need to draw a line between writing for money and for pleasure. When I write for money on which I write about topics that don’t really catch my interest, I am still writing for myself; for my pleasure that will be felt on the long-term and not just a spark of the moment satisfaction. As such, I don’t have to be bothered by these concerns anymore.

I was a writer and I still I am regardless of the purpose, the form, the message, the readers, the benefits and the satisfaction incorporated from my outputs.

I am a writer despite any issue that comes and will come along my way. I am a writer and that wouldn’t be changed by any internal or external terminators seeking for the perfect moment to catch me off guard. I am a writer and I will be remembered that way. I may not live to be a hundred years old, yet through my writings I will live more than that.

Then, again I might not live another day, yet at least I have to die at peace and at bliss. Besides, I will not really leave this world, because I will always be alive not just in the hearts of those who love me, but in the core of every letter that is in black and white on all my written masterpieces.

With this, it really isn’t just about writing for money or for pleasure at all; it is writing beyond any human reason can fathom, beyond any human existence. I am writing for my legacy; for my immortalization.

----That, my dear reader is the essence of being a writer. ®

God's Message for Me

(It’s already 3:51 am when I finished writing this)


This was the message of God for me yesterday, January 1, 2010:

It made me think about it for a while. I asked myself, “Is this a sign?”--- But, I failed to have an enlightened mind. Then, after a minute it just went into my subconscious. As if, I have not read it at all.

But, when I was about to totally fall asleep already, there was a sudden flow of thoughts in my mind. Those same things that bother me when I desperately want to sleep but I can’t. Only this time, it made me stand up and face my laptop again. How intriguing and moving those thoughts were that it literally pushed me to write them out now. Well, actually the thoughts that I am referring to are somewhat connected with each other as well. So to say it short, in a short span of time, it made me consider applying to be a review assistant because I somehow feel within me that it can open more doors for me. I have this feeling in my gut that this is the right thing for me to do. I am not really ignorant of this move, because I had also considered it before. But then, because of the timing last year I wasn’t able to pursue with it. More so, it has been my dream already since my review days for our Novmeber 2008 NLE to be a reviewer someday. But again, there were situations after I took the board exam that lead me towards other directions. I believe this time would be the right time for me to take a single step closer towards that dream --- and that is by being a review assistant for a moment.

Being a reviewer might just be a dream now, but let me remind you that today’s just the second day of 2010…

Who knows what will happen as days go by?