REALIZATIONS BROUGHT BY TWO DIFFERENT PACKS OF CRACKERS

10-11-10

It was 4 o’clock in the morning and I became somewhat groggy despite the fact that I literally spent my entire Sunday just sleeping. Not to mention that I also drunk a glass of coffee for my dinner at around 10 in the evening.

So there I was sipping my second cup of coffee, and of course with two packs of crackers to complete the combo. To be more specific, I have a pack of Sky Flakes FIT with Omega-3 and another pack of Honey House crackers. To cut the short story even shorter, I had a problem between which among of the two packs of crackers should I eat first?

The crucial point of making a decision really stirred my mind to think and think harder. Moreover, I should be thankful for it because the act of thinking itself has a synergistic effect with the caffeine from my coffee. True indeed, I am more awake now. Suddenly and unexpectedly, such brief interaction with my brain led me to realize two realities that also somewhat preoccupy my thoughts these past few days.

The first realization was that if I am going to eat first the pack of crackers that I don’t really like that much, then I could be more excited in eating the second pack of crackers that I really love later. Then, again this has something to do with gaining more excitement first or having a stepping stone or a prelude just before I will experience the thing that I am really aiming for --- the thing that I really love. This mentality is also the same with eating the cake first before savoring its sweet and tempting icing. As such, this has also something to do with impulse control.

The second realization was of course the opposite of the first. I also thought that if I were to eat first the pack of crackers that I don’t like that much compared to the one that I really love to eat immediately, then, maybe after consuming the former I will no longer have the same appetite to eat the latter. Of course, that would not bring justice to the pack that I really love to eat since on the first place it is my first choice, and again it is the one that I really love. On the other hand, if I am going to eat the Honey House first (my first choice), then I will no longer need to worry about the risk of not being able to taste the thing that I love the most just because I gave way to tasting first the pack of crackers that I like less.

The two realizations that I mentioned above are also the same thing that bothers me or even you and them during this time. These realizations also boil down from one problem, the predicament between pursuing to something that we really love instantaneously and in leaving such dream first in exchange for some things that we are not that inclined to.

But, of course in real life there are also some differences that can really affect our decision. The primary difference is that with my story, I already have the one that I love the most and all I have to do is to choose it. However, in real life it isn’t totally the same because for us to really achieve our primary goal, we should still work hard towards it. Also, another hindrance that keeps us from pursuing our dream are the sense of security that we have from something that we like less, the difficulties that we need to tread in order to reach our destination and still a lot more. Then, again the common hindrance is just ourselves and our lack of faith in what we can do and what we can do with Him.

So, in order to prevent from having a hanging ending, I chose to eat the Honey House first. Again, true indeed, after I ate it I no longer had enough appetite to consume the pack of Sky Flakes. Why did I choose to eat it first? It’s simple. In real life, we can’t have what we love the most immediately, so when I was given the opportunity to just choose between something that I love the most and something that I really don’t like; I just grabbed the chance of eating what I like the most and I was satisfied.

I really hope this is exactly the same in real life. We can hope, pray and dream; but at the end of the day, only the brave ones who are gutsier in taking chances can experience the beauty and promise of their dreams.

Moral of the story: Next time, I will keep my sight away from Sky Flakes and Honey House crackers so that I won’t have the same problem of complicating an easy task. And also, that I could not give the same problem to the persons that I tagged into this note. My apologies… hehe

On Writing for Money or for Pleasure

On Writing for Money or for Pleasure (09-15-10)

Raymond A. Umpa, Writer

I was always a writer as far as my years of experience is concerned; as far as the frisson of intense gratification every after quality article that I have done; as far as the vexation over moments where I seemed to be disembodied, lost and desperate to be back on track with my writing as whirlwind and recalcitrant fiasco just block my mind prohibiting any form of intellect, reason or thought to immigrate on it and fill it once again with the fuel to drive out words to be manifested through my writings.

I was always a writer as far as I can discern through every neural connection that transforms every idea into words is concerned; as far as the eerie shrieking of the cicadas that keeps me company each night where my drive to write always sparks a flicker of life; as far as my need for self-assertion and admiration from a world filled with silence for praising and applause; and where all I can hear is the crunching of a debilitated ladder intensified as I add weight and pressure on it as I force myself up while a part of the world is pulling me down.

I was always a writer despite the pros and cons; despite my acceptance of my failure to pursue towards a formal education on journalism brought by me preoccupation with practicality, with money, with a future that seems to be a tiny black dot on a blank white canvass even with a bespectacled sight.

I was always a writer despite of these all; but the zeitgeist somewhat concerns me now as to the real essence of why I am calling myself a writer. Before I can say I was a writer for pleasure, for self-approval, and for that sense of productivity, sophistication, edginess, intelligence and superiority that writing was providing me. I had never thought before of using my skills to generate money and sustain me with my needs. However, lately I had been blessed with opportunities that I had never imagined to happen.

Being thankful was my utmost state of mind and soul. Yet, as time went by, I sort of felt a feeling of dissatisfaction. A part of me was confused, while the other part of me was somewhat enlightened by the reality.

I was always a writer who writes for myself and for my readers; yet now with the opportunities that I grabbed, I turned out to be a writer who writes for money and for money alone. Or should I say, in a way I might be writing for my readers, as well? But, despite this big possibility I can still feel from within that I am writing for nothing or for no one simply because I am forced to write for things under the sun that are not really of my interest. Simply because, I myself isn’t pleased or left on awe with what comes out to be from each letter that I typed in on my keyboard. Yet, on the other hand, I need to write about those things because those topics are of high interest to the readers; those topics are the ones that will give me big revenue. Yes, it’s all about the money now.

I paused and thought about all of these conundrums; I realized that sometimes you need to adapt to the world in order for you to get the most out of it; sometimes it shouldn’t always be about yourself. Life isn’t about you every time. Besides, what happens to the saying, “no man is an island”? In a way, I should still be grateful of all these chances; it isn’t really true that it’s all just about the money this time. How could I say that I am writing just for that purpose when a part of the million people out there, my words ring a bell, touch lives, informs, entertains, comforts and educates them?

At the end of the day, I really don’t need to draw a line between writing for money and for pleasure. When I write for money on which I write about topics that don’t really catch my interest, I am still writing for myself; for my pleasure that will be felt on the long-term and not just a spark of the moment satisfaction. As such, I don’t have to be bothered by these concerns anymore.

I was a writer and I still I am regardless of the purpose, the form, the message, the readers, the benefits and the satisfaction incorporated from my outputs.

I am a writer despite any issue that comes and will come along my way. I am a writer and that wouldn’t be changed by any internal or external terminators seeking for the perfect moment to catch me off guard. I am a writer and I will be remembered that way. I may not live to be a hundred years old, yet through my writings I will live more than that.

Then, again I might not live another day, yet at least I have to die at peace and at bliss. Besides, I will not really leave this world, because I will always be alive not just in the hearts of those who love me, but in the core of every letter that is in black and white on all my written masterpieces.

With this, it really isn’t just about writing for money or for pleasure at all; it is writing beyond any human reason can fathom, beyond any human existence. I am writing for my legacy; for my immortalization.

----That, my dear reader is the essence of being a writer. ®

37, 527 out of 94,462 Nursing Graduates Passed the November, 2009

A total of 37, 527 out of 94,462 nursing graduates passed the November, 2009 licensure examination.

The examination was given by the Board of Nursing in the cities of Manila, Baguio, Butuan, Cagayan de Oro, Cebu, Davao, Iloilo, La Union, Legazpi, Lucena, Pagadian, Pampanga, Sulu, Tacloban, Tuguegarao and Zamboanga last November 2009.

The oathtaking ceremony of the successful examinees in the said examination in Manila as well as the previous ones who have not taken their Oath of Professional will be held before the Board on Monday and Tuesday, March 8 and 9, 2010, with morning (8:00 A.M.) and afternoon (1:00 P.M.) sessions at the SMX Convention Center, SM Mall of Asia, Pasay City. All must come in their white gala uniform, nurse’s cap, white duty shoes, without earrings, hair not touching the collar and without corsage.

The Professional Regulation Commission reminded those who will register are required to bring the following: duly accomplished Oath Form or Panunumpa ng Propesyonal, current Community Tax Certificate (cedula), 2 pieces passport size picture (colored with white background and complete name tag), 1 piece 1” x 1” picture (colored with white background and complete name tag), 2 sets of metered documentary stamps, and 1 short brown envelope with name and profession; and to pay the Initial Registration Fee of P600 and Annual Registration Fee of P450 for 2010-2013. Successful examinees should personally register and sign in the Roster of Registered Professionals.

Oathtaking tickets for the National Capital Region (NCR) and nearby regions will be available at the Philippine Nurses Association (PNA) at 1663 F.T. Benitez Street, Malate, Manila, starting Monday, February 8, 2010 on a “first come first serve” basis.


November 2009 Nursing Board Exam TOP TEN

With Less Than 30 Examinees

With 30-99 Examinees

With 100 and More Examinees

November 2009 Nursing Board Exam Result

November 2009 Nursing Board Exam Result

The result came out last night (January 31, 2009) at around 10:40...

Congratulations to all the new registered nurses...

Carpe Diem!!! :-)

ZOOM IN FOR BETTER VIEW!!!
November 2009 Nursing Board Exam Result

God's Message for Me

(It’s already 3:51 am when I finished writing this)


This was the message of God for me yesterday, January 1, 2010:

It made me think about it for a while. I asked myself, “Is this a sign?”--- But, I failed to have an enlightened mind. Then, after a minute it just went into my subconscious. As if, I have not read it at all.

But, when I was about to totally fall asleep already, there was a sudden flow of thoughts in my mind. Those same things that bother me when I desperately want to sleep but I can’t. Only this time, it made me stand up and face my laptop again. How intriguing and moving those thoughts were that it literally pushed me to write them out now. Well, actually the thoughts that I am referring to are somewhat connected with each other as well. So to say it short, in a short span of time, it made me consider applying to be a review assistant because I somehow feel within me that it can open more doors for me. I have this feeling in my gut that this is the right thing for me to do. I am not really ignorant of this move, because I had also considered it before. But then, because of the timing last year I wasn’t able to pursue with it. More so, it has been my dream already since my review days for our Novmeber 2008 NLE to be a reviewer someday. But again, there were situations after I took the board exam that lead me towards other directions. I believe this time would be the right time for me to take a single step closer towards that dream --- and that is by being a review assistant for a moment.

Being a reviewer might just be a dream now, but let me remind you that today’s just the second day of 2010…

Who knows what will happen as days go by?

Welcome 2010!!!

Farewell 2009...

It has been a year filled with tears...

On the bright side, the tears weren't shed just for a sad nor a painful cause...

Still most were tears of joy...

Nonetheless, I thank God for 2009...

I had been into the ups and downs in my love life..

I had struggled my way towards moving on and even just trying to be steady...in my endeavors.

I had not really achieved my goals for 2009...

Yet it was God's will...so Thy will be done...

This year...

I believe God has greater plans for me..

I believe that this year will be the best yet, of my life...

I have hight faith for this year...

And as I go along facing all of this year's challenges...

I am confident enough that I will surpass all of it...

I had cried out to God already...

Questioning His will for me last year...

But, then instead of getting myself stuck with my disappointments...

I choose to stand up again and fight...

With God, all things are possible...

So, 2010...

Here I am...

Fresh from a moving and challenging year...

I had a strong push to reach all my goals this time around...

Happy New Year to ALL!!! :-)

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Our Story: Our joys and MY pains

YATZ & TUBZ

(This pic (erased 01-01-2010) was taken on the night when he told me everything...we're at the taxi...

this was our last kiss...and i didn't know that it will be our last...huhuhu...

feel with my pain...
and i hope, by that...
my pain will be alleviated...)

I just want to share what happened between us...
Spare me with my grammar this time..I am not particular with it when I wrote this...hehe...
All I know is that, I was and still in pain..and I just want to lighten up my feeling...

Hope ul find time to read...and share ur advices, etc. Hope, inspirational din sabhn nu...and makamotivate for me to move on...

Pls help me make thsi long and painful journey of moving on...come to its end already...
Help me in praying also...

Thank You...

Here is our story...of course, part lng din yan ng wat hapend to us...but I am sure, it will give u an idea as to how perfect our relationship was...and how a perfect relationship can still be destroyed...without you, noticing it...till, one day....



-----------------

Our love story started more than two months ago. He found me at friendster, and as he said to me, he was star struck by my looks. So, he started sending me text messages but, I rarely replied because I was not really interested with him. Then came the time where I decided to meet-up with him. When we saw each other, I felt something that I didn’t feel before. I was also somewhat star struck by his looks. He was also good-looking, more so I can say that physically he is really my type. After our first meeting, we rarely texted each other because, maybe I was really not into him. It was just physical attraction for me. Then, came the time again when he asked me to go out. Of course, I accepted his invitation. We spent 12 hours together during that day, starting after lunch till 2 am the next day. After that date, we didn’t notice that we were seeing each other every day already. Ten days after we first met, we went into a very romantic place here in our city, the place is situated at a mountain, yet it was already developed and it was so accessible. From that place, we can see the whole of davao city, while sensing the cold and romantic wind of the place. And from above, you can see the countless stars and the moon celebrating, as well with our joys. During that night, we didn’t mind what other people might think of us, considering that we are both male and here in our place, same sex relationship is just beginning to really come out. That night, before we went home, he finally asked me the question that I was longing to hear from him. He asked if we can be together already as boyfriends…and so I said yes. He instantly leaped in elation when he heard my YES. We were so happy that night. Then, starting that day on, we were spending time with each other every day already. In our 8 weeks of being together, I can just count in my ten fingers the day when we did not see each other. Just to say it, he was my first true relationship. It was just with him, where I experienced to go out into malls almost every day, watch every new movie in the cinema, ride jeepneys while he was touching my elbow, eating out at some fine dining places, sleeping into our house, having breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner in bed, and a lot more. I can just mention everything, since the pain is already unbearable that I can hardly finish this story because I’m into so much pain now. In our 2 months of being together, we had more than 700 pictures taken from my cp and his camera (majority are taken from my phone). Every time, we ate out before for the first time at a certain place, or watch movie, we keep the receipts and tickets. During our 1st monthsary, I made him a scrapbook of our story. It was like our diary, like a calendar of events each day. I filled the scrapbook with our pictures on a certain day, with notes at the side, then I also included the receipts and tickets there together with our pictures during that day. I surprised him, as well during his bday. He was so happy that time. And on our 2nd monthsary, last june 28, 2009…A week before our 2nd monthsary he went home at his hometown, and he said to me he can’t go home on our monthsary. But then, the night of June 28, just after I ate my dinner. He sent me a text message asking me to go out and look for a certain star. I didn’t go out, I said to him, I was afraid to go out. So, he said to me, even if I say to you that I am outside your house. So I rushed outside and really found him standing and smiling at me. Actually, this was his 2nd surprise visit to me. When I saw him, we laughed at smiled at each other. I punched him, etc. We were giggling already. Then we came inside our house, and gave me a lasagna form their hometown. We ate it together…I tell you, we were really a picture of a perfect relationship…of perfect lovers. I didn’t see any problems at all. Until one day…

It was July 1, 2009, two days after our 2nd monthsary. I will always remember the night of this day, for during that time, during dinner, he told me what happened. Early on, he was already silent and he keeps on telling me that he is having a troubled mind. I didn’t have any idea that his being troubled had something to do with me. After finishing out meal, we still remained at the place and he told me everything. He told me, that it has been one month already that he started to see another guy. I knew the guy by face, he was also the cause of our fight before. But, it was solved because my ex said that they already stopped texting each other. But, then, he lied to me. Not only that they were texting, they were also seeing each other. He said, almost every night before, he and that guy were together without me knowing. Those times were the nights where he said that his cellphone is not working well, etc. He admitted that he committed so much lies to me already. And that’s why he can’t bear it anymore. So, he decided to tell everything. In short, during that night, he said he fell in love with that guy. But he added that he still loves me. He loves us both. I said, it is not possible for him to love us both at the same time. He had to choose. But he can’t. He said, he’s still confused. He even said to me that on that guy, he saw what he did not see in me, and on him he saw what he has been looking for. Those words really crushed my heart into pieces. Yet, still I held on to our relationship. I didn’t want to break-up with him. But, it was him who was undecided already. When we went out, we ride at a taxi and we were still so sweet that time, as if nothing happened. As if we were still lovers like before. We kissed each other at the taxi. He bit me and I also bit him. We even took pictures while kissing on the taxi, like we used to before, etc. He also said that on Sunday, the time where I will go back in Davao, we will return to the place where I gave his YES to him. So I was really excited. But, it didn’t happen already. Because at around 12 midnight of July 2, we sort of really broke-up already. When we went home, he did not go with me already at the jeepney. Instead he ride a taxi because he said, he doesn’t have a change. He also said that he will text me later because, he is low batt already. I felt something fishy already. So, I waited for his text. I kept on sending him text messages already. But, he didn’t reply. So I decided to go to their (he and his cousin’s) boarding house. On my way, I texted him, just say if you are with that other guy and I won’t text u already. Then, he replied to me. He said he just woke up and he will sleep again because he is so sleepy. I didn’t believe. It was already raining so hard that night. Good thing that I was able to ride a taxi. While on the taxi, I asked God for a sign. I said, if I saw him at the boarding house, really sleeping already, then, I can still trust him and we can still be together. But, if he’s not there or worse, if the other guy is there, then, I cannot trust him already. That was the sign, I didn’t even say that if I saw them together, I would break-up with him already. So, I arrived at the place. When I was in front of the door of his room. I saw two pairs of slippers and heard two voices. I didn’t knock the door, yet. I sat down at the nearby chair and tried to compose myself and be ready with what will happen, with what will I see. I opened my phone and set my video to record what will happen. I turned the door knob to open but it was locked. So, I knocked on the door already and he was the one who opened it up. He was shocked by what he saw. He pushed me out, but I pushed him in, so I was able to get inside and see indeed, the beast sitting at the bed wearing only a boxer shorts and white sando shirt. I knew then, they just had sex. I didn’t make any fiasco. I know I would just make a fool out of myself. Instead, I just said now, I know the answer (to the question that I asked him, whether who will he choose between us), bad thing that he didn’t choose me. I said goodbye, and he just nodded his head, I went out and he didn’t even bother to follow me even a single step forward. On my home at the taxi, I texted him and his guy (I got his number at his phone)…I said to his guy that I am now letting him go and that I still love him, and I asked him to take care of my ex. I was so pathetic that time. I also texted my ex with my disappointment and that I still love him despite what happened. I arrived home safely, though I wish I didn’t. On my room, the uproar of my cry reverberated into our house; even our neighbors can hear it. I texted his cousin also, and she comforted me. She was my first outlet. The following day, I went into my friend and I cried my heart out to him. I also asked my classmates in KAPLAN to go out. Good thing, that they were so cooperative and so in the mood to have a good time. I called up a friend of mine as well and shared my story. I had my haircut done, and I even shared my heartache to the hairstylist whom I also know already. The following days after I caught them together, I still kept on texting him. I even said that, I will be what he wants me to be. I said, I will be outgoing, etc..etc…I also said that I am not really a shy type of person, nor a silent one, I just thought that you liked me that way so I stayed that way (which is really true). But all of what I’ve said to him, didn’t make a good difference at all, he still left me. He still opted to stay with his new guy. I even called him lots of times, but he said at first that he was not yet ready to talk about what happened to us. Then, I came to the point where, I had come to accept the fact that he is really not into me already. The problem only was that, we didn’t have a formal, verbal closure. We say actions speak louder than words, but as for me, I just want to hear him say that we’re really over. Just for the sake of having peace of mind and heart, and so that I won’t be expecting already that we will still be together. Last July 3, I kept on asking him to say formally that we are over. But still he can’t. Then, he said, give me until tomorrow. So I granted his request. The following day, I texted him the whole day almost every minute, I also called him up but he didn’t answer. Then finally, he answered my call at around 5pm. He said he was still in the jeep going home, he even sounds angry that time. So I said, I’ll call again later. I called up again, and it was not that easy to call that time because it was so hard to get in the line. The boyfriend of his cousin answered the phone, he said that, he said he is sleeping, and that he said that he is sick. But, knowing that those reasons are not true, I insisted on to talk to him. So, we talked and I asked him again to answer me. But, he said he still can’t answer my question. I asked him in text to answer me with YES or NO, if he is already letting me go…That was the question that he still can’t answer. Actually, that was easier already. Then, he said something that made me know why he was having some trouble with my question. He said, if he will not text by 12 midnight it means his answer is no. I even clarified it saying, do you mean if you won’t text me by 12 midnight, then we are still lovers, we are still together? He said yes. Then, he added, actually we are not yet officially together. He (the other guy) will still decide tonight. So, it was obvious, he will wait for the answer of his new one, before he will decide with what will happen to us. That was such a big disrespect for me, even just as a person. I insisted that he answer me now, but he didn’t. The call was over. I tried to get in the line again. But, I can’t. Then, time came when he said, no matter how many times you call, I won’t answer it because we are with each other tonight. It was so painful just to read his message. Then, I texted him to please answer it that we can talk even just for a minute. By that time, I was already a bit determined to break-up with him. I called him again and his new one answered the phone. He was somewhat in a strong voice. He asked me who am I, and whom I am looking for…I answered his question. I asked him to let me talk with my ex even just for a minute. While we were talking with each other, I can hear the laughter of more than one person in the background. Then, I waited for some time on the line. Finally, he arrived. I think he went to the CR or maybe he was just pretending that he was not around. I asked him the question, and still he said he can’t answer it. Then, I had the courage to say, “BREAK NA TAYO ( we are over!!)”…His new one answered, OK! I said to him, I want to hear it from him (me ex). So he gave the phone again to him. I repeated what I said. I said, break na tayo…And without a fraction of a second…He said OK!!!...And added, so now alam mo na. Then, I added, so, “Are you letting me go?” He answered instantly, “YES.” And that was it, I said thank you and goodbye.

After my call, I leaped in joy of being free, then I called up my friend to share what happened. I didn’t cry, instead we were laughing. But, then after, his memories haunted me again. From that time until now, I am having what they call exacerbations and remissions. There were times where I thought I was so okay already, then moments after I will break in into a flood of tears again. To be honest, I am still expecting until now that there will come a time that he will realize that he still needs me and that he still loves me…To the point that, he will come back to me. I will always welcome him back. But, as for now, I know it is not healthy for me to entertain such thoughts knowing that they are still at the so-called peak of their relationship. It was still quiet impossible to happen.

Thank you for taking time to read my story. Now, I am feeling a little bit relieved. But, I know, later on I would cry again. I just hope I could move on as soon as possible. I don’t want to live with this pain for so long.

I hope you include me in your prayers. Your words, comments, advices, etc, will highly be appreciated. I know, your words could in a way inspire me or move me to move on.

Thank You.
God Bless.