Our Story: Our joys and MY pains

YATZ & TUBZ

(This pic (erased 01-01-2010) was taken on the night when he told me everything...we're at the taxi...

this was our last kiss...and i didn't know that it will be our last...huhuhu...

feel with my pain...
and i hope, by that...
my pain will be alleviated...)

I just want to share what happened between us...
Spare me with my grammar this time..I am not particular with it when I wrote this...hehe...
All I know is that, I was and still in pain..and I just want to lighten up my feeling...

Hope ul find time to read...and share ur advices, etc. Hope, inspirational din sabhn nu...and makamotivate for me to move on...

Pls help me make thsi long and painful journey of moving on...come to its end already...
Help me in praying also...

Thank You...

Here is our story...of course, part lng din yan ng wat hapend to us...but I am sure, it will give u an idea as to how perfect our relationship was...and how a perfect relationship can still be destroyed...without you, noticing it...till, one day....



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Our love story started more than two months ago. He found me at friendster, and as he said to me, he was star struck by my looks. So, he started sending me text messages but, I rarely replied because I was not really interested with him. Then came the time where I decided to meet-up with him. When we saw each other, I felt something that I didn’t feel before. I was also somewhat star struck by his looks. He was also good-looking, more so I can say that physically he is really my type. After our first meeting, we rarely texted each other because, maybe I was really not into him. It was just physical attraction for me. Then, came the time again when he asked me to go out. Of course, I accepted his invitation. We spent 12 hours together during that day, starting after lunch till 2 am the next day. After that date, we didn’t notice that we were seeing each other every day already. Ten days after we first met, we went into a very romantic place here in our city, the place is situated at a mountain, yet it was already developed and it was so accessible. From that place, we can see the whole of davao city, while sensing the cold and romantic wind of the place. And from above, you can see the countless stars and the moon celebrating, as well with our joys. During that night, we didn’t mind what other people might think of us, considering that we are both male and here in our place, same sex relationship is just beginning to really come out. That night, before we went home, he finally asked me the question that I was longing to hear from him. He asked if we can be together already as boyfriends…and so I said yes. He instantly leaped in elation when he heard my YES. We were so happy that night. Then, starting that day on, we were spending time with each other every day already. In our 8 weeks of being together, I can just count in my ten fingers the day when we did not see each other. Just to say it, he was my first true relationship. It was just with him, where I experienced to go out into malls almost every day, watch every new movie in the cinema, ride jeepneys while he was touching my elbow, eating out at some fine dining places, sleeping into our house, having breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner in bed, and a lot more. I can just mention everything, since the pain is already unbearable that I can hardly finish this story because I’m into so much pain now. In our 2 months of being together, we had more than 700 pictures taken from my cp and his camera (majority are taken from my phone). Every time, we ate out before for the first time at a certain place, or watch movie, we keep the receipts and tickets. During our 1st monthsary, I made him a scrapbook of our story. It was like our diary, like a calendar of events each day. I filled the scrapbook with our pictures on a certain day, with notes at the side, then I also included the receipts and tickets there together with our pictures during that day. I surprised him, as well during his bday. He was so happy that time. And on our 2nd monthsary, last june 28, 2009…A week before our 2nd monthsary he went home at his hometown, and he said to me he can’t go home on our monthsary. But then, the night of June 28, just after I ate my dinner. He sent me a text message asking me to go out and look for a certain star. I didn’t go out, I said to him, I was afraid to go out. So, he said to me, even if I say to you that I am outside your house. So I rushed outside and really found him standing and smiling at me. Actually, this was his 2nd surprise visit to me. When I saw him, we laughed at smiled at each other. I punched him, etc. We were giggling already. Then we came inside our house, and gave me a lasagna form their hometown. We ate it together…I tell you, we were really a picture of a perfect relationship…of perfect lovers. I didn’t see any problems at all. Until one day…

It was July 1, 2009, two days after our 2nd monthsary. I will always remember the night of this day, for during that time, during dinner, he told me what happened. Early on, he was already silent and he keeps on telling me that he is having a troubled mind. I didn’t have any idea that his being troubled had something to do with me. After finishing out meal, we still remained at the place and he told me everything. He told me, that it has been one month already that he started to see another guy. I knew the guy by face, he was also the cause of our fight before. But, it was solved because my ex said that they already stopped texting each other. But, then, he lied to me. Not only that they were texting, they were also seeing each other. He said, almost every night before, he and that guy were together without me knowing. Those times were the nights where he said that his cellphone is not working well, etc. He admitted that he committed so much lies to me already. And that’s why he can’t bear it anymore. So, he decided to tell everything. In short, during that night, he said he fell in love with that guy. But he added that he still loves me. He loves us both. I said, it is not possible for him to love us both at the same time. He had to choose. But he can’t. He said, he’s still confused. He even said to me that on that guy, he saw what he did not see in me, and on him he saw what he has been looking for. Those words really crushed my heart into pieces. Yet, still I held on to our relationship. I didn’t want to break-up with him. But, it was him who was undecided already. When we went out, we ride at a taxi and we were still so sweet that time, as if nothing happened. As if we were still lovers like before. We kissed each other at the taxi. He bit me and I also bit him. We even took pictures while kissing on the taxi, like we used to before, etc. He also said that on Sunday, the time where I will go back in Davao, we will return to the place where I gave his YES to him. So I was really excited. But, it didn’t happen already. Because at around 12 midnight of July 2, we sort of really broke-up already. When we went home, he did not go with me already at the jeepney. Instead he ride a taxi because he said, he doesn’t have a change. He also said that he will text me later because, he is low batt already. I felt something fishy already. So, I waited for his text. I kept on sending him text messages already. But, he didn’t reply. So I decided to go to their (he and his cousin’s) boarding house. On my way, I texted him, just say if you are with that other guy and I won’t text u already. Then, he replied to me. He said he just woke up and he will sleep again because he is so sleepy. I didn’t believe. It was already raining so hard that night. Good thing that I was able to ride a taxi. While on the taxi, I asked God for a sign. I said, if I saw him at the boarding house, really sleeping already, then, I can still trust him and we can still be together. But, if he’s not there or worse, if the other guy is there, then, I cannot trust him already. That was the sign, I didn’t even say that if I saw them together, I would break-up with him already. So, I arrived at the place. When I was in front of the door of his room. I saw two pairs of slippers and heard two voices. I didn’t knock the door, yet. I sat down at the nearby chair and tried to compose myself and be ready with what will happen, with what will I see. I opened my phone and set my video to record what will happen. I turned the door knob to open but it was locked. So, I knocked on the door already and he was the one who opened it up. He was shocked by what he saw. He pushed me out, but I pushed him in, so I was able to get inside and see indeed, the beast sitting at the bed wearing only a boxer shorts and white sando shirt. I knew then, they just had sex. I didn’t make any fiasco. I know I would just make a fool out of myself. Instead, I just said now, I know the answer (to the question that I asked him, whether who will he choose between us), bad thing that he didn’t choose me. I said goodbye, and he just nodded his head, I went out and he didn’t even bother to follow me even a single step forward. On my home at the taxi, I texted him and his guy (I got his number at his phone)…I said to his guy that I am now letting him go and that I still love him, and I asked him to take care of my ex. I was so pathetic that time. I also texted my ex with my disappointment and that I still love him despite what happened. I arrived home safely, though I wish I didn’t. On my room, the uproar of my cry reverberated into our house; even our neighbors can hear it. I texted his cousin also, and she comforted me. She was my first outlet. The following day, I went into my friend and I cried my heart out to him. I also asked my classmates in KAPLAN to go out. Good thing, that they were so cooperative and so in the mood to have a good time. I called up a friend of mine as well and shared my story. I had my haircut done, and I even shared my heartache to the hairstylist whom I also know already. The following days after I caught them together, I still kept on texting him. I even said that, I will be what he wants me to be. I said, I will be outgoing, etc..etc…I also said that I am not really a shy type of person, nor a silent one, I just thought that you liked me that way so I stayed that way (which is really true). But all of what I’ve said to him, didn’t make a good difference at all, he still left me. He still opted to stay with his new guy. I even called him lots of times, but he said at first that he was not yet ready to talk about what happened to us. Then, I came to the point where, I had come to accept the fact that he is really not into me already. The problem only was that, we didn’t have a formal, verbal closure. We say actions speak louder than words, but as for me, I just want to hear him say that we’re really over. Just for the sake of having peace of mind and heart, and so that I won’t be expecting already that we will still be together. Last July 3, I kept on asking him to say formally that we are over. But still he can’t. Then, he said, give me until tomorrow. So I granted his request. The following day, I texted him the whole day almost every minute, I also called him up but he didn’t answer. Then finally, he answered my call at around 5pm. He said he was still in the jeep going home, he even sounds angry that time. So I said, I’ll call again later. I called up again, and it was not that easy to call that time because it was so hard to get in the line. The boyfriend of his cousin answered the phone, he said that, he said he is sleeping, and that he said that he is sick. But, knowing that those reasons are not true, I insisted on to talk to him. So, we talked and I asked him again to answer me. But, he said he still can’t answer my question. I asked him in text to answer me with YES or NO, if he is already letting me go…That was the question that he still can’t answer. Actually, that was easier already. Then, he said something that made me know why he was having some trouble with my question. He said, if he will not text by 12 midnight it means his answer is no. I even clarified it saying, do you mean if you won’t text me by 12 midnight, then we are still lovers, we are still together? He said yes. Then, he added, actually we are not yet officially together. He (the other guy) will still decide tonight. So, it was obvious, he will wait for the answer of his new one, before he will decide with what will happen to us. That was such a big disrespect for me, even just as a person. I insisted that he answer me now, but he didn’t. The call was over. I tried to get in the line again. But, I can’t. Then, time came when he said, no matter how many times you call, I won’t answer it because we are with each other tonight. It was so painful just to read his message. Then, I texted him to please answer it that we can talk even just for a minute. By that time, I was already a bit determined to break-up with him. I called him again and his new one answered the phone. He was somewhat in a strong voice. He asked me who am I, and whom I am looking for…I answered his question. I asked him to let me talk with my ex even just for a minute. While we were talking with each other, I can hear the laughter of more than one person in the background. Then, I waited for some time on the line. Finally, he arrived. I think he went to the CR or maybe he was just pretending that he was not around. I asked him the question, and still he said he can’t answer it. Then, I had the courage to say, “BREAK NA TAYO ( we are over!!)”…His new one answered, OK! I said to him, I want to hear it from him (me ex). So he gave the phone again to him. I repeated what I said. I said, break na tayo…And without a fraction of a second…He said OK!!!...And added, so now alam mo na. Then, I added, so, “Are you letting me go?” He answered instantly, “YES.” And that was it, I said thank you and goodbye.

After my call, I leaped in joy of being free, then I called up my friend to share what happened. I didn’t cry, instead we were laughing. But, then after, his memories haunted me again. From that time until now, I am having what they call exacerbations and remissions. There were times where I thought I was so okay already, then moments after I will break in into a flood of tears again. To be honest, I am still expecting until now that there will come a time that he will realize that he still needs me and that he still loves me…To the point that, he will come back to me. I will always welcome him back. But, as for now, I know it is not healthy for me to entertain such thoughts knowing that they are still at the so-called peak of their relationship. It was still quiet impossible to happen.

Thank you for taking time to read my story. Now, I am feeling a little bit relieved. But, I know, later on I would cry again. I just hope I could move on as soon as possible. I don’t want to live with this pain for so long.

I hope you include me in your prayers. Your words, comments, advices, etc, will highly be appreciated. I know, your words could in a way inspire me or move me to move on.

Thank You.
God Bless.